Posted by 10derHeart on March 4, 2005, at 17:55:55
In reply to Re: Repayment » 10derHeart, posted by pinkeye on March 4, 2005, at 17:03:31
Pinkeye,
Thank you for your words about my writing. I'm blushing. I'm thinking it may be a key to something I'm supposed to do in my future (currently not working and not knowing what to do - long story for Social sometime maybe) work-life, so I really appreciate the reinforcement. Three or four Babblers have said that - oh my goodness I am so honored. I like to write, although here it hurts while I'm liking it. That sounds *nuts*, but I think you understand. I try to realize it's fairly good, but the old lack of self-confidence jumps in. And this is a tough crowd, NOT meaning anyone criticizes the writing style of others - just meaning there are so many wonderful, articulate writers, I feel I can never keep up! But then I remember, from the heart is all that really matters. Wish I could be more brief, though. My ex-T. is a master at saying amazing things in one or two sentences. I'm in awe of him but can't quite get there.
Thank you very much for remembering a post to Voce, too. For thinking a positive thing and then taking time to say it. You never know when you might just trigger a forward step in a person by that kind of encouragement. Hope this does not offend in any way, but you post in a loving way that reminds me of the level of kindness I try (repeart: try) to strive for as a Christian. You set a wonderful example.
Oh, yes, I had forgotten your old T. doesn't necessarily know what place you're in now. Well, maybe there's a way to tell him some time. I wish I could print out a bunch of posts of yours -and people's reaction to you and send to him. I'll bet he'd be the one with tears in his eyes then. Tears of joy at this young woman transforming into a more peaceful, better human being every day. So there!
Just one more thought and I have to leave. We may not have been the "easy" ones for our T's. I feel exactly the same. I am fighting all that right now with new T., trying to not be so hard on myself about bothering and frustrating old T. I still can't believe sometimes he supported me for months before I started with new T. And he's now letting me detach so slowly, with no pressure from him. It makes you feel guilty, grateful, amazed - so much.
Here's what helps me. My T. told me no one had ever, in 16 years, challenged him like I did in the areas of bonding, attachment and healthy termination. He said his training in that area was terrible, and it always bothered him (he'a pdoc. I was the first to ask for contact after "official" therapy was over. He said he learned a tremendous amount from me. I know these things are true, and so I'm not sure being too "easy" is the best thing. That's us trying to be "good clients." But if I'd not reached out for help and written to him, he would never have learned all this. And he did learn because he said it was all a bit scary for him, too, and fear goes along with learning, IMO. So pinkeye, even when we were needy, we must have done some good. Even if you never had these comments I've just mentioned, I KNOW your T. learned from you and grew as a person. It's impossible not to touch someone like that in return with all he did for you. So I'm saying it isn't as one way as we first see it. Hope that's comforting also. I really must go now.
Many hugs to you - 10der
poster:10derHeart
thread:463767
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/466619.html