Posted by Tamar on May 23, 2005, at 7:46:07
In reply to Re: One reason I wanted to post this » daisym, posted by Dinah on May 22, 2005, at 22:22:39
> Goodness, no. You're making perfect sense. If i ever felt that i was attracted sexually to my therapist, i'd be horrified. Because being sexually attracted is ok for women, but i'm not a woman. And it would be wrong and icky.
Maybe you don’t need to worry. You probably won’t feel attracted to him as long as you aren’t a woman. If someday you become a woman, you might experience sexual attraction, but it might feel OK if you were a woman. And you might not feel attracted to *him*, especially if he’s not your type. And anyway, people don’t become women overnight... it takes most people a few years, at least! It takes time for the ickiness to be transformed into something more like desire.
> And if he were ever aroused in a session, even just because he was anxious, i'd need to take a bath for a year and a half because i'd never be able to believe he didn't think i was a woman.
Is it possible that it’s not about you? I mean, he could get physically aroused just because of the subject matter or whatever, without actually thinking of you as a woman. I’m pretty sure it’s normal for everyone to have physiological feelings of arousal without the emotional feelings of desire for someone. So he could experience arousal in your presence without it having anything to do with you.
> I just have the sensations separated from any real meaning, because for me they have no real meaning.
I really think that’s true for everyone to some extent. Often there’s no real meaning. It’s just that for you it seems as if you there’s pretty much never a connection between arousal and desire.
> But... It'd be ok with my therapist if they did. In fact, I still think he'd consider it progress if I was sexually attracted to anyone, even him.
Do you ever find *yourself* sexually attractive? I mean, I know it’s possible to enjoy erotic feelings while alone without really thinking about appearance, but do you like to look at yourself? (Don’t answer if it’s too personal.) I must admit, sometimes I like to look at myself, but other times I just don’t want to.
> I still think that sexual feelings (as opposed to sensations) in therapy may be linked somehow to feelings of safety to explore all parts of us. I think they're probably very therapeutic. But have the potential to be painful.
Oh yes! And maybe that’s true of the sensations too. I suppose the sensations are very basic, but they can probably be therapeutic if they occur in a safe space. If arousal occurs because of anxiety but can be welcomed into a safe space, then perhaps it signals the possibility of arousal being associated with comfort. In a way, your therapist would be the idea person with whom to enjoy arousal-without-desire. I’m thinking of your suckling pup image. Apparently, small babies experience physiological arousal while breastfeeding... Maybe it could feel something like that.
Or maybe I’m off the mark. But I love the idea of therapy being a safe place to feel aroused.
poster:Tamar
thread:501142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/501587.html