Posted by Dinah on May 23, 2005, at 10:14:23
In reply to Re: One reason I wanted to post this » Dinah, posted by Tamar on May 23, 2005, at 7:46:07
Tamar, you are never off the mark. I hate to sound like a groupie or anything, but I really wish you were coming to the party. :) I'd love to get to know you better; you have such a fascinating combination of wisdom, practical sense, and sensitivity. My therapist really loves your posts.
> > Goodness, no. You're making perfect sense. If i ever felt that i was attracted sexually to my therapist, i'd be horrified. Because being sexually attracted is ok for women, but i'm not a woman. And it would be wrong and icky.
>
> Maybe you don’t need to worry. You probably won’t feel attracted to him as long as you aren’t a woman. If someday you become a woman, you might experience sexual attraction, but it might feel OK if you were a woman. And you might not feel attracted to *him*, especially if he’s not your type. And anyway, people don’t become women overnight... it takes most people a few years, at least! It takes time for the ickiness to be transformed into something more like desire.
>
Thank you for understanding, Tamar. It would take years and years and years and years, and he's not my type. Besides by then he'd be really really old. Too old for a brand new woman. :)
> > And if he were ever aroused in a session, even just because he was anxious, i'd need to take a bath for a year and a half because i'd never be able to believe he didn't think i was a woman.
>
> Is it possible that it’s not about you? I mean, he could get physically aroused just because of the subject matter or whatever, without actually thinking of you as a woman. I’m pretty sure it’s normal for everyone to have physiological feelings of arousal without the emotional feelings of desire for someone. So he could experience arousal in your presence without it having anything to do with you.
>
I think it'd be possible, but I wouldn't be able to shake the fear. Fortunately, I've never been aware of that happening, despite the subject matter. I don't think the subject matter can get any more arousing. So I think I can rely on him either being a eunuch or being able to pass as one in therapy. :)
>
> > I just have the sensations separated from any real meaning, because for me they have no real meaning.
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> I really think that’s true for everyone to some extent. Often there’s no real meaning. It’s just that for you it seems as if you there’s pretty much never a connection between arousal and desire.
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> > But... It'd be ok with my therapist if they did. In fact, I still think he'd consider it progress if I was sexually attracted to anyone, even him.
>
> Do you ever find *yourself* sexually attractive? I mean, I know it’s possible to enjoy erotic feelings while alone without really thinking about appearance, but do you like to look at yourself? (Don’t answer if it’s too personal.) I must admit, sometimes I like to look at myself, but other times I just don’t want to.
>
No, never. I hate the body I'm imprisoned in. I don't feel any feelings of ownership about it. It seems like the young pictures of me look like me, aging appropriately. Then wham. They don't look like me, older. They just don't look like me. I feel no sense of connection at all to the body I'm in today or pictures from fifteen or so on. I suddenly quit looking like Daddy and started looking like Mother. Probably the same time I stopped calling her Mama and started calling her Mother. Hmmmm...
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> > I still think that sexual feelings (as opposed to sensations) in therapy may be linked somehow to feelings of safety to explore all parts of us. I think they're probably very therapeutic. But have the potential to be painful.
>
> Oh yes! And maybe that’s true of the sensations too. I suppose the sensations are very basic, but they can probably be therapeutic if they occur in a safe space. If arousal occurs because of anxiety but can be welcomed into a safe space, then perhaps it signals the possibility of arousal being associated with comfort. In a way, your therapist would be the idea person with whom to enjoy arousal-without-desire. I’m thinking of your suckling pup image. Apparently, small babies experience physiological arousal while breastfeeding... Maybe it could feel something like that.
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> Or maybe I’m off the mark. But I love the idea of therapy being a safe place to feel aroused.
>
>
Ooh, I love that bit about the babies. So far I haven't exactly welcomed the sensations. Just noted them. But I do love that idea.
poster:Dinah
thread:501142
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/501647.html