Posted by Susan47 on October 21, 2005, at 20:19:28
In reply to Re:To Susan unrequited/sort of) Love with my Thera, posted by allisonross on October 21, 2005, at 12:36:34
Hi, Susan; still getting used to the board, here; hope I'm doing this right! LOL
> I know it's easy to believe what you think and what you feel about your therapist is real, no matter what he says. Would it make you feel awful if you realized that what he meant when he said hugging might feel too good, that he was talking about your feelings, not his?
>
> I know he meant himself (because of his explanation; no need to go into details, etc.)
Hi Allison, (Allie, Ally, or Allison, or allisonross, what would you prefer? Myself, for me, I like Susan, but you feel like you could be an Ally ..)
I think a therapist has to be really careful about toeing the line. He has to make sure you get the message, but he can't startle you away, maybe even out of existence, with rejection.I felt terrible for my guy. Because I knew he could never have feelings for me the same way I did for him. I knew also that my feelings for him were unreal, on some level, because it wasn't an equal relationship and I really wanted it to be. It could never have been that, as long as I continued to see him. But if I didn't see him anymore, he'd be out of my life. So it was better to go through the pain of all these continual little rejections (because when you want someone so extremely, and they're Off Limits, Forever, No Matter WHAT ...) it waS incredibly painful, but better than not seeing his incredible face, eyes, you name it, beautiful butt, shoulders to DIE for, and a mouth I wanted so desperating to be touching me ...
It was horrible, it hurt, and I went back for more, and tried not to, tried to make this the absolute LAST time I would ever see him again, and I couldn't do it. I just could not do it.
I hated myself.
Then I started to hate him.
poster:Susan47
thread:569236
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/570140.html