Posted by Jen Star on November 12, 2005, at 16:21:14
In reply to It almost feels like my duty, posted by orchid on November 11, 2005, at 11:26:41
hi Orchid,
I think it's your culture. Culture can have a HUGE amount of influence over you! I'm guessing -- as a small child, you learned that your dad was THE authority in your life; you were not to question; you were there to help and serve him. So you accepted that "duty" and accepted whatever he did, even if it felt wrong.Now, as an adult, you have the power to say NO. I DO understand about not wanting to hurt his feelings. I'm sure there are many good things about him that you appreciate. But THIS thing needs to stop -- the inappropriate touching and hugging.
I really like Dinah's suggestion about how to say it. It makes it clear that you love him, but you're going to leave the house if he does it. Hopefully if you stick to it and leave every time, he will learn the new "habit" of NOT touching you like that.
It won't harm him or hurt him mentally to stop touching you. And even if it DID, does that mean you should keep doing something you hate, just to spare him a little bit of temporary annoyance or grief? I don't think so!
Chances are he'll act deeply hurt. He'll whine. He'll yell at you. He'll insult you in deep, hurtful ways. He'll make snide comments. And he'll keep doing it, trying to play on your sympathies. Be prepared for all of these and more, and STAND FIRM. It doesn't matter that he's a man and your father...you don't need to put up with this.
good luck!
jenstar
poster:Jen Star
thread:577289
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/578071.html