Posted by thuso on December 9, 2005, at 17:08:41
In reply to CSA and our children **trigger?**, posted by antigua on December 9, 2005, at 13:17:41
I think you should tell them if it effects your moods and how you relate to them. It will help them understand that whatever you do or however you act, it is not personal or because of them.
I can tell you from the child's perspective why they should know. I never had any CSA, but my mom did. She had blocked it out and when I was very young she started getting bad panic attacks/agoraphobia and other major issues. A few years later she started having flashbacks. All of this screwed up my childhood and forced me to raise myself (from about 5 years old). As soon as she started having the flashbacks, I found out about the CSA. I don't think she sat my brother and I down to tell us. I think I may have just overheard it when she was talking to my aunt one night. I was about 11 or 12 when I found out, so I definitely understood what it was. But because of how it affected her while I was a young kid, I took things very personally and it messed up any kind of relationship we may have had before I was 5.
I personally think you should tell your kids as much about it as they can understand. If they are young, maybe just talk about how something bad happened to you as a kid and it has affected the way you feel. Just make sure that they understand that your moods are caused by something in your past and not because of them. Kids are just so perceptive (at least I was), so it is very easy to take a parent's moods an actions very personally. I say just tell them as much as they are able to understand and as much as you feel comfortable telling them.
poster:thuso
thread:587351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051206/msgs/587499.html