Posted by Dia on February 16, 2006, at 2:17:51
In reply to Re: on knowing 'too much' about your T » LadyBug, posted by asmita on February 15, 2006, at 18:00:10
it was kind of crazy. i get really really paranoid about things, so basically i just sat there and thought of things that he'd use as his password and then it actually worked!! i know what you mean asmita, it can become a habit or even turn into an addiction to keep finding out all the info about them. i seriously used to check his mail like everyday or read every message, but i've backed off a lot lately and that's made me feel a little bit better.
i think i did it because i have really big issues with trust, and for me to pour out my every feeling to him made me feel vulnerable and also judged by him, because i had this whole built-up idea in my head that he's some super-human who never gets depressed, etc. i do admit that reading the messages has helped me become much more relaxed and more open at our appointments, because i finally realize he is just as human as i am. but i know it's pretty sad i had to go to those kind of extremes to reach a comfort level with him. i am having trouble dealing with the guilt and it's made me feel like a really bad person.
i also think my T tries to be more of a father-figure to me, he tells me things like that he would have me as a daughter. i finally broke down a few weeks ago and told him all my feelings for him (which are unfortunately sexual) but when i told him all that he said he was really flattered i felt that way about him and said it felt great knowing a 'really cute' girl my age likes him...then he even gave me a reallly long hug after i told him all that. and i guess the bottom line is that i am really confused by everything right now!!! as far as discussing the real attraction or underlying meanings, he's kinda avoided that, which has been frustrating. but then i guess i have too, because when i had told him everything in detail, it had been through an e-mail. if your T allows e-mailing, that might be a great way to start to explain to him how you are feeling. it makes it a lot easier i think.
i am also really worried about him stumbling across this website and seeing what i have written. i would FREAK. OUT. he would never talk to me again. my email address doesn't show up anywhere on this website for everyone to see does it? i'm trying to be careful about all this because i really don't know how i'd handle it if he confronted me about what i've said!! (and of course about the email thing!!) by the way...i'm new here but i forgot to say hi to everyone!
- Dia
poster:Dia
thread:609701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/610141.html