Posted by kerria on March 11, 2006, at 8:36:15
In reply to Finding a T who specializes, posted by gardenergirl on March 10, 2006, at 9:15:07
Thank you so much for the hugs, Muffled.
James K, thanks so much for identifying with me. It's so hard now- it feels like i'm in limbo, everything's so different because i don't have a T. The thing that hurts the most is that T didn't stand up for me . It's a long standing problem.
It hurts so much to have parts- there wasn't anything that i could do to stop it . i know that i'm responsible for my actions but all i did was shout. The cafeteria workers are fine today- my life is all apart.
Why can't T care about me? It hurts so much to have a part rejected by T. It's so hard to live when we don't have control- that's punishment in itself. i also side with my part too. I only have about twenty something more sessions this year covered by insurance and i'm not doing well at all. i had to lose an hour of that session. i feel so broken that T doesn't care about me after six years. i'm still in shock.
It's good to meet you, James K. i've read some of your posts and identify with you lots of times.Thank you so much, TherapyGirl. It's so hard to lose my therapist and my mind all at the same time. i wasn't doing well before this happened and now..things are so worse.
Thank you Gardenergirl. i called everyone in my area from that site. No one has the time and just about everyone that works with trauma knows my T.
is an 'expert'- specializes only in persons with DID . It's so hard to find another T for a lot of reasons. The Ts all know my T and assume that it's my fault right away. It's so hard to be a hard patient. I was shocked that my pdoc wasn't more understanding than he was. Sometimes he's shown understanding. i wish that he were there in any small way. It seemed like he said things to hurt me on purpose. Maybe because he wanted to make sure that i wouldn't try to get support from him now. Why are professionals so uncaring? What if it were them in all of this trouble?Why is he so angry with me that two therapists that he referred me three years ago to didn't work out? It's HARD to find a match when you have parts. i think that i tried so hard- driving so far, financially it was so hard. One of the Ts moved so far away that it would have been an hour away and she didn't even have much experience with trauma patients. She spent the first two sessions going over all her rules. i'm way too apart for that.
Why doesn't my pdoc understand?
It's because i can never explain my side of the story because i have parts.i hate my life. Not my family- i love my family so much . It's so painful to be like this and have no one understand or help- and sometimes always think the worst about me. i can't even defend myself most of the time.
i'm so tired of the struggling . i feel so done. i can't even call anyone now after about ten calls. Trying to go inpatient because i think i would be safer but afraid it will be a disaster- just looking at the way things are going now. So much internal conflict now and the pain problem is so hard also. What if they don't understand that in a hospital?
Thanks for being there, for understanding, i hope,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:618159
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060225/msgs/618753.html