Posted by alexandra_k on September 22, 2006, at 2:13:48
In reply to Re: Blame - Trigger » alexandra_k, posted by Daisym on September 22, 2006, at 0:59:07
You can't change what happened in the past.
Choosing not to blame a volcano doesn't mean that you think it was okay that lots of people died or that you think it is a good thing that lots of people died.
Similarly,
Choosing to lift blame doesn't mean that you condone his behaviour or that you think his behaviour was a good thing.
Choosing not to blame a volcano doesn't mean that you wouldn't intervene to prevent future eruptions if it was within your power to do so.
Similarly,
Choosing not to blame doesn't mean that you wouldn't intervene to prevent those kinds of behaviours being done to others if it was in your power to do so.> There is no way to nuetralize these acts. They were horrible and terrifying. They should be remembered as such so that our collective outrage prevents this kind of abuse from continuing.
Hacking says that whether we consider certain behaviours to be 'abuse' or not is a function of political agenda. To categorise certain acts as acts of 'abuse' has become societies way of expressing collective outrage.
Is collective outrage required in order for intervention to be likely?
Are people collectively outraged about volcanoes exploding?
Is that why people try and figure out volcanoes and the like so as to interveane?
I don't think so...But that being said the likely effects of the kind of behaviour your Father showed towards you... Are very likely indeed to have you feeling hurt and confused and scared and outraged and terrified and all kinds of very intense horrible feelings like that. It is understandable that you would feel those things. Sometimes... I think we do need to feel those feelings... But I don't think blame helps those feelings I think blame is more likely to intensify them. The feelings are horrible enough without being intensified...
Does your outrage help you or harm you?
The notion of lifting the blame is that it can be the way out of this cycle:
Thesis: Its my fault, I'm to blame.
Antithesis: Its his fault, he's to blame.With the thesis you feel horrible about yourself. With the antithesis you feel horrible about your Father. But you love your father too... Hence you find yourself swinging back to the thesis... And round and round it goes...
I just offered it for your contemplation as a possible way out of the cycle...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:686272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060911/msgs/688075.html