Posted by ElaineM on October 25, 2006, at 23:12:04
In reply to Re: please explain me and this **trigs ED, SI...?, posted by muffled on October 25, 2006, at 21:50:03
>>>>Could you phone the dentist back again?
I know I'm just going to have to, but I can't the very next day. it's too humiliating. i hate that i'm not rich. i know that's why i don't matter to him - no nice insurance company he can charge for all these procedures. he should've just pulled them all at the very beginning. who cares.
>>>>Could the crisis lady help you connect to mebbe a pastoral counsellor
I can't send her another message. I really can't. I can't see another one not returned. If she wanted to deal with me she would've sent even a small message. She said before that the agency they usually refer to is full but that if I came in she'd give more info on resources. The idea makes me cringe cause I've had numbers being thrown and me since spilling my guts to that PsychCenter back in May or June or whenever. And then Assault counsellor from school. And the First line I talked to.... Why call a line to get given more numbers?....sigh....I'm sorry. Anyways, I figured I'm so desperate I'd show up just to see another person for a few minutes. But then she hasn't got back.
I've been doing my best. I don't update on everything here, but I *have* been trying to reach out to places here lately. I think that's why I'm taking all the rejection even harder.It's true I definately feel overwhelmed, but about the "cold heart", I don't think inperson gestures made toward me mean anything to me. Between two others, then I can be quite moved. But not when stuff is connected to me. Even before things got wierd with T, he said nice things about my character, or stuff I said, what he thought of my efforts - and it didn't feel like anything. Actually, I've never had a male say such things said to me before. Maybe my head doesn't understand. It's hard to compare because LadyT and LadyDoc were never so overt. But now that I think of it, I do remember feeling really cared about when LadyDoc cried a little when I read her my goodbye/thankyou letter.... i don't know. my head feels either jammed full or completely empty....
I bought a new foam roll. I want to sleep tonight:( I need to go to sleep. My muscles in my legs are shaking.
I'm thankful you speak to me....at least you answer me :') I wish I could help being so desperate and sad, but I can't. Sometimes I can get myself really scared cause I'll think, what if I never found this board back then. I mean, what would I have done? Would I be worse than right now? Is that possible?....it makes me nervous.
.....when will this stop
poster:ElaineM
thread:697776
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20061012/msgs/697813.html