Posted by Honore on August 5, 2007, at 22:27:24
In reply to Re: Thanks so much, everyone. » jammerlich, posted by OzLand on August 5, 2007, at 21:59:19
Ozland may very well be right, Jammer, in saying that your T may have felt that she hadn't maintained appropriate boundaries earlier, and perhaps worried that this had caused not only the premature and traumatic ending, but some of the depression you felt toward the end of things.
I feel strongly myself that she should have taken responsibility and explained this to you, much much more quickly. Again, IMO, she should have realized that when a T radically changes the rules, and the person is responding badly to that-- as I would hope she was aware after some time-- you have to do more than act as if nothing has happened. I don't know what she maybe have felt she was doing, actively to redress the situation-- but from your reactions, it absolutely wasn't enough. In this instance, while an explanation might not have made the relationship possible, it would have prevent a lot of suffering and, it seems, greater traumatization. I wish she had taken a stand against that.
So if she's said something along those lines to you-- or has said something about your needs-- I truly hope you can see that it doesn't mean anything about you or your needs; it means that she isn't the right T, that she can't communicate in a deep way, that you can take in, that your needs are okay, more than okay-- that they are important and that you have the right to have the essential ones met. I very much believe that you can find what you're looking for.
I'm terribly sorry that you had to go through whatever it is. But you really can and will find the right T-- and you'll realize more clearly some day that, while this is very very painful and difficult, there is something good on the other side of this loss, or sense of disappointment--
I hope and wish that that will be soon. You were right to bring up what you brought up-- I hope you can try not to regret it in every sense-- even if you feel terrible regrets and self-blame, as well as other things now.
Perhaps this isn't on-target about what happened, but if it is, I hope you're safe and taking care of yourself
Honore
poster:Honore
thread:773092
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070726/msgs/774218.html