Posted by RealMe on August 29, 2007, at 23:11:47
In reply to Re: bad, sad therapy session » RealMe, posted by widget on August 29, 2007, at 1:10:08
One of the most difficult parts of therapy is that it becomes what seems like a one-sided intimate relationship. That is because it seems the therapist knows so much about you, and you know nothing or little about the therapist. For example, I know my therapist is married and has three daughters because he has a picture of him with them in his office, and I commented on it one time early on. He said who they were, and I said they were lucky to have a father like him, and he said, "I am the one who is truely blessed." HUM. I said, so are you. He did not know yet that I don't have children, that I tried, and could never get pregnant.
So, my therapist is learning all sorts of "facts" so to speak about me. But, he says those things are not what are important. He says the process is what is important--what transpires between us. Still it is one sided, and the idea that I might have all sorts of feelings about him is unnerving. His feelings for me, I suspect, will remain the same--someone who he likes and wants to help. I think that is best even though there may be times I might wish it was something different.
So, the "intimacy" is for a different reason--not to lead to a change in our relationship except to the extent that I become more trusting and less inclined to misinterpret, etc. He is there to help me see what goes on with me in relation to others and through him. Already it has been the case that I have reacted to him as if he was my mother. God forbid! and thought he was being critical of me.
I am tired and probably not explaining this well. My point is that your therapist is saying he will be your mirror meaning he can reflect back to you what you are about. He is right. What you think about him is what he is reflecting back to you about you. Is he like that too; who knows; obviously not all the time. Reality is he is just human too. What if you did get more from him?? What if he were to say I adore you so much that I can't think straight anymore. Then, how could he help you. Or if he said I adore you so much that I don't think it is wise for us to meet anymore as my feelings are getting in the way of helping you.
I fantasized about my old therapist from the 80's and wanted him to be my father, but when it came right down to it, it is not what I really wanted. I wanted to be understood and valued. I wanted to know I was a worthwhile person, and with my therapists help at the time, I was able to see this. It didn't happen because he said he liked me or adored me or thought the world of me or even because he said nothing on the subject (this is from the 80's); it was because once I experienced his dedication and committment to me, I could start to learn to accept myself and care about myself. I wanted him to be the father I never had, and once in a more regressed state I tried to put my head down on his lap, and he pushed me away. I felt so horrible at the time and was just sobbing, but he was right to do that. I see that now as I think about it I would have regressed even more had he allowed me to do that. I would have wanted to do it more and probably have wanted him to hug me and to put his arms around me, etc. Well I really didn't need that. I did not have that when I was younger, and I learned that I was the one who had to be kind and caring to that person who never had that as a child.
I could go on, but pay attention to what your therapist is saying this means about you and what that is all about. And I suppose, what does it mean when you can't have something you think you want and need. How do you view yourself--both positive and negative qualities. And how would it help to have your therapist say he adored you. Would you feel more postive about yourself or more positive about him. Or would you feel you are more in control or have more power because you got him to say he adored you. I'm fishing and only you can answer for yourself.
RealMe
(Oz)
poster:RealMe
thread:779285
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070822/msgs/779646.html