Posted by twinleaf on December 13, 2007, at 21:29:30
We have all written vast numbers of posts about how important our relationships with our Ts are to us. Everyone seems to agree that intangible, non-verbal things are very important in contributing to a "good fit"- and that if we don't have a good fit, we are wasting our time. My T strongly agrees with this, saying that it's a shame that prospective clients don't have better ways of assessing who will be a good match for them. He went so far as to say, recently, that he believed in early self-disclosure on the part of the therapist, so that new clients can make informed decisions about continuing on or trying to see someone else, because (he says) "your therapist is your fate" (!)
The part of this that I'm particularly thinking of right now is: what level of attachment and dependence gives us the best chance of making progress? One of the things I've noticed, having had two analysts, is that my first one brought out intense feelings of closeness, attachment and dependency, but this did not actually translate into getting very much better. Going four or five times a week just seemed to intensify the dependence, so that it became a problem in itself. I thought the frequency and strong feelings would be helpful, but I was wrong. With the second analyst, I can see that he is always trying to strike the proper balance between closeness and relatedness, and independence. We move constantly back and forth between the two- more the way people do in real life. Because I do have a lot of early maternal deprivation, he does not want to see me more than two (or sometimes perhaps three) times a week, lest I regress and get in the grip of too much dependence and longing for the mother I'm never going to be able to have. Having more time to process what happens in the sessions, and to practice solving my problems on my own, seems to be ideal for me. Going every day, as I did with the other analyst, is too much! I guess you have to be healthier to do that!
poster:twinleaf
thread:800679
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800679.html