Posted by Daisym on December 14, 2007, at 0:44:34
In reply to What kind of T relationship helps the most?, posted by twinleaf on December 13, 2007, at 21:29:30
I agree with Dinah. I don't think one-size fits all, and aren't we lucky that there are so many kinds of therapist for so many different kinds of people?
I recently talked with my therapist about cutting back some, and he was, of course, open to whatever I want to do. But over the course of a few weeks, it seems apparent (again) that when I do that, I lose the connection and I get tied up in knots about not having enough time or working so hard to "feel" him again that we don't get any "work" done. (Although he says, "this is the work of your therapy...continuity of connection and trust") So for me, I need a therapist who can let me connect deeply, be dependent, pull away, be a mess, be great and yes, spend time wanting him to be my mom and rescue me. We talk about this all the time - how sad it is that he can't undo what was done. But you can't imagine how healing it is to hear, "If I had been there, I would have done something. It would have been OK for you to tell me." Once during a conversation like this, I whispered, "but everything would have fallen apart." And he responded, "Yes, it would have." The tears came and I said, "and what then?" He said, "we would have picked up the pieces -- then, instead of now."
Perhaps the right therapist is directly tied to the goals we have and how we define progress.
I do like what your therapist says about being "your fate." When I was wishing I'd done this work earlier, my therapist said, "maybe you were waiting for me..." :)
I'm glad you have found such a good match and can see the progress. It is nice to hear.
poster:Daisym
thread:800679
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800711.html