Posted by TF on December 14, 2007, at 11:05:50
In reply to Re: Umm, stuff that I'm ashamed of. » TF, posted by Dory on December 14, 2007, at 8:31:09
> Hi Tf.. fixed belief.. i like the term, and i think some of my own "baggage" could fall into that definition... even though T & pdoc like to use terms like schemas, fear of this or that (blah blah blah).
>I really have come to hate the term, myself. It's yet another way of giving me a mixed signal, and making me distrust everyone including myself. Fixed belief as opposed to false belief.
> have you gone to a doctor that specializes in these things? i recall you asking others like pdoc and dentist.. i mean, there must be some sort of doc who is more specialized. From what you say i think you'd have trouble if he/she said you did not have an odor problem. It doesn't sound like you'd believe them maybe? But maybe it would give you some evidence one way or the other.
>
Someone told me on another forum, a depression forum or something, that nobody would tell me that I smelled or had body odor. It's beginning to look that way, unless they're strangers who are deriving some sort of amusement from it. I think metabolic disorders might cause body odor or whatever. Maybe an endocrinologist. I might just go up to random people on the street and start asking them. I'll ask like everyone I know. I don't care if they laugh. If I do smell, they'd be laughing behind my back.> i just posted a question on another type of forum as well.. and it's the same in some ways. Do i trust the feeling i have trusted for so long, or trust what someone else is telling me is "reality?" It's a tough place to be in. i don't have an answer to that or i'd be the first to give it to you. My only suggestion is to talk/write it out.. explore the thought process and see what you find out. But.. and this is a big but.. it will only help you if you are open to the possibility that maybe it is a fixed belief and that maybe you are reading this into what you see.. just the possibility.
>I appreciate the comment, but I really am tired of getting mixed signals. I'm really at war with myself, part of me wanting to believe them and part of me wanting to believe myself. I really don't know what to think at this point. I can only react to things as they come.
> it doesn't mean you're crazy, but i wont tell you you're not. Like you said, how would i know from a couple of posts? (you don't sound crazy though)
>
> personally.. i think people dislike something about me.. and i admire your courage in saying it.. i don't have that.. not that brave.
>It gets easier once you get over the hump of telling it to someone, and more as you tell it to others. Anyway, I have nothing to lose by talking about it here, as I'm pretty much anonymous.
> i'll give you a couple of things to think about...
>
> when and how did this idea start?
>
Senior year of high school I started to notice people getting disgusted by me, groaning when I came into the room. If the class lasted a while, some kids would get up to the teacher to complain about not being able to concentrate. I think it'd be understood what they're talking about to themselves, if it wasn't to me. If the odor is that strong.> what would it mean to you if someone said "yes you smell?"You said a few people had? was i reading wrong? What did it feel like when they confirmed your thought? Did it ease the fear? It sounds like it did not.. like the *fear* of getting that rejection rxn is more solid.. i mean, if it's true, then you wouldn't have to be afraid that you do, you'd know it. But you seem hooked on the doubt that makes you afraid.. waiver back and forth.
>At this point, I really don't care if people tell me I smell. In fact, I'd welcome it. It'd give me something to show to my doctor that he might not consider 'circumstantial'. Especially if I'd showered well and used deodorant that day. Sometimes I feel like flipping him off and asking him if that sign is circumstantial.
> i am afraid like i said.. i have "evidence" it's not true, but i feel like i see "signs" around me that suggest it is true.. so which do i go with? It's like there couldn't be enough evidence in the world to answer it for me (just me). Even when i feel it is confirmed, i go back to worrying about the next scenario. See what i mean?
>
> just thoughts.. take or toss.One of these days I'm going to learn the rules of logic and pawn my doctor. Until then I guess I'll have to remain a fool in his office. Right now what I want to do is quit the whole process and go off my my med (Geodon). I can't really sleep without it, but my real doctor can give me some sleeping pills, I suppose.
poster:TF
thread:800487
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071204/msgs/800763.html