Posted by Happyflower on April 13, 2008, at 10:32:29
I got a poem written at 3am, like normal lately. For some reason the creativity doesn't come 9-5. I think I am feeling better today physically and mentally.
But I got a letter yesterday about Psi Chi ceremony. It used to be a no big deal thing. Well this year they are holding it in the auditorium with a procession and everything. I don't feel like doing this in front of a bunch of people. I should feel good about myself for the achievement, but I don't feel like one of those national honor society people.
I was treating it like it was no big deal, but now the school is making a big deal, with it being in then local newspaper, and on the psych. web site, pictures in the psych hall and everything. I am too shy for this attention, I don't want it. I would rather be the smart kid in the back of the classroom nobody notices.
Okay, poor self esteem, self confidence, feeling unworthy, scared of achievement, scared of failing, scared nobody will like me, scared a lot of people will like me. Okay, I have issues, I know.
I think I will just stay in my pj's today and finish writing these poems to keep my mind off of it. I wrote this poem and now my DH is acting all weird like he thinks I have been SA and am suicidal. And I am not, it is just a poem, right, I am okay, right? It is just a poem. I feel like calling my T, I don't know why. Here it is, don't read if this stuff triggers you.A Hundred Albums
(an Ashbery Erasure poem)Acts in compromise,
Most unpleasant rape.
Rage begins in a child,
Bent light of innocence.
Death rescues no love.
For you lose out
Of everything
And no secret vigil
Can calm it,
That was so
Beautiful within.
poster:Happyflower
thread:823039
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823039.html