Posted by Kath on April 13, 2008, at 20:35:49
In reply to Think I feel better today, posted by Happyflower on April 13, 2008, at 10:32:29
Dear HF,
I think that a lot of people push themselves into doing things that they don't want to do.
Sometimes I am brave enough to know that I do NOT want to do something that everyone seems to simply EXPECT that I'll do. "of COURSE Kath will be there/ do that, etc."
WHY should we do things that make us feel uncomfortable just because it's expected?
I hope you can give yourself the gift of looking at how much - on a scale of 1 to 10 - you WANT to be part of that ceremony. As you point out - it's escalated into something WAY different form what you expected/hoped for/wanted/feel comfortable with.
Once, many years ago, I was part of a women's group. We had an activity where each of us would research a topic. I planned to obtain a video about 'my' topic (which was a fairly controversial topic regarding women; the video was Restricted) & give a VERY brief outline of other info I'd found about the topic. My plan was that our women's group would watch the video & then talk about it. I mentioned the video that I was planning to get & the whole thing mushroomed outwards, ending in a plan to rent a hall & that the showing of the video would be open to the public, with a public discussion. As this was 'my topic', it seemed that the expectation was that I would still give my outline at the end of the showing. I was really uncomfortable about even seeing this film in mixed company, let alone saying anything in public & possibly be 'attacked' if some members of the public held a different view than I did. I ended up saying that I would not be attending. (& it was MY TOPIC)!!!!!!
So - bottom line - it was TOTALLY expected that I'd be there & 'do my thing'. That did NOT work for me - so I didn't do it!!
I'm not saying you shouldn't go. I'm simply saying that it's possible to decide that even though we had planned to be somewhere & others were totally expecting it, we DO have the right to CHANGE OUR MIND. I hope you will be able to look at the event, how it has evolved & decide what you WANT to do for YOU. And if you decide something that others ask you questions about or grill you about, you have the right to say, "I've made an informed decision about this. This is my decision & I'm not prepared to discuss it further at this point." - along with a pleasant smile & VERY quickly launching into a totally different topic!
These are just thoughts HF. They might not work for you AT ALL. If so, please know that I'm only mentioning them because they popped into my mind. Also, I am not expecting you to make any comment on them at all.
:-))) ((((((((((((you))))))))))
luv, Kath
PS - yes, poems ARE poems. Maybe if people love us & are afraid for our wellbeing & safety, they might act as if poems are FACTS...or something.
During menopause I'd wake up in the night, not be able to sleep & take a pen & my book & the most amazing poems would 'happen'. I'm glad that now, my creativity (with my pottery) has agreed to happen during the day - or whenever I put myself in front of clay & coloured underglazes - my pottery recently has a lot of butterflies, dragonflies, fish, lizards & seashells - which clamour for me to paint them with underglaze before putting a clear glaze on top!!!! Yay.
Hugs to you, Kath
poster:Kath
thread:823039
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080405/msgs/823134.html