Posted by seldomseen on October 8, 2008, at 4:08:17
In reply to Re: Mutual attraction, posted by Suedehead on October 7, 2008, at 18:20:19
I don't think I made any sense in therapy for about a year after his disclosure. One day I was fine with it, with him, with the whole process - the next I was big ball of mess. It IS tough to know what it means to you because it may mean so many different things all at the same time.
The weird thing was - and this was the confusing part for me, was that I deparately WANTED him to find me attractive and have desire for me. But when he came right out and said it, I was flabbergasted, more than a little appalled and was like "AHA! you ARE just like all the others!" I used to get very angry when men would check me out or sexualize me in any way and his revelation was shocking.
He even seemed to become bigger in the room and dominate the space (at least the way my memory has distorted it).
However, men become sexually attracted to women and vice versa and I think it is going to happen in the context of therapy. But I've learned that it doesn't necessarily sexualize the relationship.
But you've got to let him see what you are feeling at the moment. Even if you don't have the words, tell him that you don't have the words, but what you're feeling isn't good, but isn't all bad.
More than anything, his disclosure is not the go ahead for either of you, and if you're feeling that it is, you need to let him know that you expect him to keep his butt in that chair and that you will do the same.
My therapist and I now have a running joke about him keeping his butt in the chair. He given me the boundary lecture so often that I can recite it back to him. That's when he stopped giving it to me :)
Just to ramble on further, how can sexual attraction even exist amid all those boundaries? It's like look but don't touch! Taste, but dont eat! Well, I learned that it can and doesn't upset the apple cart that much in the long run.
Having definately been there, I'll be here while you two work it out.
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:856082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856359.html