Posted by lucie lu on October 8, 2008, at 11:32:50
In reply to Mutual attraction, posted by Suedehead on October 6, 2008, at 18:53:35
Hi Suede,
Im not trying to predict what will happen in your individual therapy or relationship with your T. (I wouldnt know what to do with a crystal ball if I had one.) And I hope you do not find my posts offensive in any way - they are not meant to be. The issues youve raised have prompted a very lively and interesting discussion, so thanks for starting the thread!
There seem to be things we all agree on. I havent heard any disagreement in this thread, or in the general literature for that matter, about the therapeutic value of mutual love between client and therapist. Who (post-Freud) would be down on the loving feelings that can be present in therapy?? They feel wonderfully gratifying to both partners and importantly, help our self-esteem, interpersonal trust and security, and relational attitudes and skills. Therapy is hard and often lonely and painful work for client and T, and mutually loving feelings are part of what keeps us going and ultimately allows us to work through our problems. There is also agreement that the clients verbal disclosure of sexual or any other feelings should not be censored or discouraged, but actively encouraged. As for the T - a good T ideally should be able to handle whatever feelings the client expresses while being capable of taking care of his/her own feelings. These things are all part of the grand design, at least in psychodynamically or analytically oriented therapy. (I think disclosure of the Ts sexual orientation is a separate issue where T disclosure is almost always made.)
Then we come to the more difficult and challenging areas, e.g. possible outcomes in therapy following mutual disclosure of sexual feelings. I agree with Daisy that for the client to have her (or his) perceptions validated by the T can be very important for her therapy (particularly for abuse survivors). But should every perception be validated? What if you pick up vibes that your T may be experiencing sexual longings, sexual frustration, or sexual fantasies during the therapy hour? Should these be discussed openly? How easy will it be subsequently for the client to discuss her own sexuality, sexual history and difficulties, knowing that the T is likely to have an emotional (and possibly erotic) response to such discussion? I suggest that there comes a point where the elephant in the room is so large and intrusive that the work can no longer be done without damaging the therapy and/or client, maybe even the T. Then the T may feel a need to pull back, which can feel like rejection to the client. These hazards (which include but are not limited to the obvious ultimate boundary violation of having sex with a client) are why Ts so often refer clients to whom they feel a strong attraction. One client ina book I read said that following such a disclosure by her T, for her, therapy essentially stopped from that point onwards. It is extremely difficult to manage effective therapy under these conditions, but it can be done (see Dalenberg's interesting survey, cited below.) Maybe it can be considered a high risk-high reward enterprise.
Perhaps as an aside whether the T discloses or not, I believe that the client has a right to feel safely boundaried and that the responsibility for that rests 100% on the T. If the boundary includes disclosure of sexual feelings by the T, it may be helpful in a minority of cases. But clients should NEVER feel they have to be the ones to patrol the client-T boundary. Such a dual role leaves the client unable to safely and fully explore the play space between client and T where the real therapy goes on.
Good books discussing these topics include those by Ken Pope and Glen Gabbard, who have each written extensively about sexual counter-transference, boundary crossings and violations. I really dont like reading their work because I feel they tend to be either overly dogmatic and censorious (Gabbard) or factual and dry (Pope). IMO the most sensitive and compassionate treatments of the subject are In Session and the Boundaries chapter in Countertransference in the Treatment of Trauma by Constance Dalenberg. Dalenberg argues very strongly for increasing T disclosure in general (I agree with her) and presents data from a survey she's undertaken in which different types of disclosure were observed to produce positive or negative results the survey results are very interesting to read! These are two of my favorite books on therapy, both great reads, well-written, up front and personal. Another good read is Jeffrey Kottlers book On Being A Therapist. I havent figured out yet how to make links from Babble to amazon.com sorry!
Take care and all the best,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:856082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856396.html