Posted by Sharon7 on February 4, 2009, at 20:57:01
In reply to Re: If my Therapist doesn't call......, posted by Annierose on February 4, 2009, at 20:17:53
Thank you, Annierose. I know I'm being unreasonable. Just the nature of the beast, I suppose. (o: Thanks for pointing out to me that most T's only call if you call them first. Mine has actually called me a couple of times after after one of these 'attacks'! lol. (meltdowns) but in those instances, I had faxed and/or mailed her these rambling letters (my poor T!) so she called but I could tell she wasn't happy about it, and she said, too, that I need to tell her what I want as far as "call me" or "don't call me." Cuz in the letters, I said "don't call." (of course.) and WE ALL that means exactly the opposite! lol. Well, my T won't play those kind of games and she's like super strict and very much by the book. She's totally in control and will not be manipulated by me in any way. I make her sound mean, but she's not. She's super nice (most of the time!) and gentle and kind. I am like super sensitive to any change in vibe from her, and if I don't like the vibe Im getting, its like I can't help it I get upset.
I have to find a way to talk to her about my feelings. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will be able to. It's crazy. What I think I might do is, because she saves everything, ask her to let me see all the letters I have sent her (when I used to do that. I haven't for a while now.) Because I think in those letters I pretty much poured my heart out, but we have never discussed the content of the letters. It's funny, though, because after I'd had one of those episodes and had written to her, the following week, my letter would be laying right out in the open, and I'd be like "oh, let's not talk about that!" And she won't pursue it. I'm obviously having one of those 'transference' things going on with her, and im sure she knows it. she's extremely intelligent, and nothing gets past her.
Well, I'm rambing again. I'm not going to call, though, because I wouldn't get her anyway, but a girl at the front desk, and, I said I wasn't going to call or write and i'm determined to keep my word on that this time. You said she would want me to make some contact with her, but she in no way encourages it. She's never told me it's okay to write to her and my impression is that she doesn't like it. She said she wants me to be able to talk about it, but I can't. I have to try, though, assuming I go back.
Oh, and that was a good analogy, thinking about my T as a teacher because the teacher remembers her students name. Maybe she does. I hope so, anyway.
Thanks again for giving me a reality check. (o: I can't say rationality will prevail, but you definitely gave me some things to think about.
poster:Sharon7
thread:878066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/878091.html