Posted by wittgensteinz on February 5, 2009, at 4:35:25
In reply to If my Therapist doesn't call......, posted by Sharon7 on February 4, 2009, at 19:14:33
Sharon,
My feeling from reading your post and earlier ones is that in a way you are testing your therapist. And I think you are testing her because you want to see that she really cares about you. I think these are questions many of us battle with:
Will she remember what I've told her?
Does she think about me outside of session?
How does she feel about me when all the while I feel strongly about her?
Do I matter to her? etc.These are very difficult and painful things to work through and I think perhaps it's these fears/anxieties (and perhaps some anger?) that have led to this pattern of meltdowns and 'make-ups'. You say that your therapist is in control but it seems in the past she has been the one to back-down after these episodes - you leave upset, maybe cancel some sessions, then send a letter explainaining... and then she phones. This time, she hasn't backed down , she hasn't phoned. Maybe she thinks you are ready to handle these episodes differently - maybe her not phoning is in itself her way of being caring, her way of helping you move forward. What would be ideal would be that you could process what was going on right there in the session instead of having this terrible therapy hangover that lasts several weeks and causes you much pain.
As for the next session - if you wait for her to phone, I think you will just be prolonging the test and maybe this time she will stand firm - what then? The truth is you have a good match and this therapist sounds like she is kind and caring and can really help you. I know it will be hard, but really the best thing to do is go to your appointment on the 11th. You could fax her a letter first - let her know some of the fears you have about your significance to her - or else take a letter with you to share.
I think this reply might sound a bit harsh - it's not meant to. I just think this could be a good chance for you to get some of these fears out into the open with your T, instead of running away each time.
Good luck!
Witti
poster:wittgensteinz
thread:878066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/878161.html