Posted by Sharon7 on February 13, 2009, at 6:37:53
In reply to What if.........., posted by fleeting flutterby on February 12, 2009, at 16:05:41
Good morning, flutterby. I'm sorry your T's comment about having 'shown you all he knows' put you in a tailspin. I have to tell you, though, it would have me, too.
I would have come to the same conclusion you did. It would have freaked me out, but I'm at the stage right now where my T could say she loved me (dream on!) and I'd be all like "WHAT DID SHE MEAN BY THAT? IS SHE SAYING SHE LOVES ME BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET RID OF ME?!?!? That's an extreme example, but the point being, it doesn't take hardly ANYTHING to make me think she doesn't want to see me anymore. But as far as what and how your T made this comment really did, in my opinion, leave a lot of room for interpretation.
It does sound to me, though, like his comment abut having shown you all he knows was not a termination statement. It seems clear to me that he absolutely did not mean it that way. If he did, he would have responded completely different to your announcement that you weren't coming back to therapy (in my opinion, of course.) If that was what he was trying to convey, when you announced via the email you were not his client anymore, he would have (very kindly, hopefully) took the subject of termination to the next level and elaborated on his "I've shown you all I know" comment, to further explain why he doesn't think he can be of any further help to you. If he wanted "out" he had the perfect out. He didn't take it. He does want you to keep coming would be my interpretation of that.
I most defintely think you have to talk to him about it. I have learned a lesson recently about how vitally important it is for us to be able to be open up and communication what we are thinking and feeling, and not to assume out T's know what we mean, want, or need. For me, this is going to take some practice.
If you haven't already, tell your T why you thought he was terminating you. He'll probably say that if that had been the case, after working with you for 3 years, he would have discussed it with you plainly, not just made a comment that could easily be taken the wrong way. If mine had said that, I'm sure I'd have done the same thing you did. I would not have asked for clarification right then. I would have made the same assumption you did, for whatever that's worth.
I hope you are feeling better and get this matter straightned out, soon. I honestly don't think he meant he didn't want to see you anymore. My T and I have sort of a little agreement. She asked me to please tell her if there was some reason I was not happy with my treatment either by her or my pdoc (as they work in the same office,) and not to just stop coming. She would want to know "why" in case they had failed me in anyway. I said I would, and then asked her to do the same for me. She said she would, but man, do I ever forget it A LOT! That was very early on in our relationship (which is only 1.5 yrs at this point,) so now I'm thinking I need to have us reclarify our "agreement."
I hope you are feeling better today. Let us know what happens. Have a good day. (o:
Sharon
poster:Sharon7
thread:879682
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879827.html