Posted by Sharon7 on February 14, 2009, at 11:47:35
In reply to Therapy is so not linear- but I wish it was..., posted by workinprogress on February 10, 2009, at 10:11:30
Hi WIP. Thanks for your encouraging words. It was so nice to hear from you. You are very welcome. I hope today will be a good day for you. Happy Valentine's Day.
I read your original post again, and was again, struck by just how similar your feelings 'were' (very key) to mine up until about a week ago. I had somewhat of a breakthrough with mine this week. You may have seen my post from the 11th. I went back to see her on the 13th and that was also very productive. I plan to send a separate post talking about that, but I'll share some of it here with you now in case it might make you feel better.
Question: Have you and your T had a frank conversation about 'transference?' If not, let me tell you, being able to have this conversation with her on Tuesday and having similar positive results on Friday, has relieved a tremendous amount of anxiety for me. I was just as worried as you are, probably. I didn't know if I'd ever be able to discuss any of that with her, because I don't know how to talk about my feelings (at least not verbally,) because I'm embarrassed by them. I think once we know that our T's don't think our feelings are stupid, embarrassing, are going to cause her to run screaming out of the room, it's actually quite liberating. I had written her all about this already early on, and I'm sure my behavior probably even made the letters unnecessary. I won't even try to get anything over on her. She's way too smart. (okay. I confess. Yes, I will still try. lol.) Anyway, when I used to mail or fax those letters, they would be followed by an EXTREME negative emotional reaction on my part (obviously on my part! lol!) because then it was left up to my imagination to figure out what she must have thought after reading them. Being able to have this discussion with her face-to-face, I was able to see immediately how it was received, and like I told my T yesterday, she responded to it perfectly. She was so understanding and so kind. She does not want to kick me to the curb because I need her to be a mother-figure to me now. She made me feel so much better about all of this, and I've sort of been on cloud 9 ever since. Oh, I know on the path to recovery, I'll vascillate between times of feeling safe and secure and feeling alone and scared. It's amazing what a difference feeling secure with my T seems to have made to my outlook on life, energy, mood, and even the need to fuel/feed my addictions. I know I'll need to be reassuranced again at some point, and I know I haven't fueled/fed my addictions for the last time either. But you have to start somewhere I suppose. Let's see how long this euphoria last! lol! If only I/we could somehow manage to stay constantly assured that they aren't going to leave us no matter what I /we say. It's something to shoot for. (o:
Well, I gotta run. You take care now. I sure can go on, huh? **blush**
(((((WIP)))))
Sharon
poster:Sharon7
thread:879225
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/880084.html