Posted by seldomseen on April 5, 2009, at 10:16:53
In reply to Re: Is Healing Really Possible? /Antigua » seldomseen, posted by rskontos on April 3, 2009, at 18:39:08
I've ruminated over this for many many hours. For me, one of the keys to healing is understanding that I don't have to get to a place where I'm never hurt again by the actions of others.
For me the center of my healing process has been accepting the fact that if I live any kind of life at all, I'm going to get hurt - sometimes badly.
It's been about getting to a place where I'm not afraid of that hurt because I know I can process it.
I think for a lot of us, what happened to us as children was overwhelming, unprocessable and absolutely unbelievable to our little vulnerable minds.
In order to avoid being completely and utterly sucked into the abyss, we sacrificed large parts of ourselves to simply stay alive and sane.
One of those things I lost was the ability to feel safe anywhere, anytime unless I was absolutely positively alone - the ultimate and impenetrable emotional shell. I also lost most of my sense of humanity (my t had to convince me I was human) and my ability to tolerate any kind of insult for fear of being overwhelmed by it.
I used to tell my therapist that "I'm having an inside-out day" where all of the tender parts are out just being grated. So figuratively, what we had to do was strengthen the inside parts.
In my therapy this involved a considerable amount of pain. First the pain of "transference" and then the pain of accepting the limitations of the therapeutic relationship, then the pain of attachment and separation. All of these had to be dealt with and wrangled. I bet I've cried the equivalent of an ocean while fighting for this relationship with him.
All the while though I was toughening up. Developing the elusive "ego strength" and consolidating inside my self.
In reality, it's nothing short of magic.
Now, you simply would not *believe* some of the boundaries I've set with my parents, friends. I also re-established a relationship with long-hated brother and that single thing for the past year has brought me the most joy of just about anything I've ever done.
OMG, have I been rambling or what?
Hang in there RSK. The hurt *does* transform.
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:888235
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/888799.html