Posted by Daisym on November 29, 2011, at 23:03:48
I find myself exploring what feels like old ground in therapy the past few weeks. It isn't that I doubt that I'm working with the right person, it just feels like I have to check all this out again. Like some part of me is testing him - wanting to be sure he feels the way I feel or that he is as committed to this work with me as I need him to be.I asked him about being bored with me - I was researching something and one of the main threads were therapists talking about being bored with the same old complaints - depression, marital strife, self-esteem issues, etc. My therapist did not just leap in and say he wasn't bored, he considered the questions and said it seems like he should be every now and then, after 8 years, but he isn't. He said he thinks it is because we are both engaged in the process and that we use humor a lot - so he likes working with me. He said he finds himself frustrated with me sometimes because I close down on him or keep him out - but not bored.
And we've been working on some pretty sensitive sexual topics - so I asked if this is where he tells me it would be better to work with a female therapist for awhile, especially since some of this requires talking about my sometimes sexual feelings for him. He said he didn't believe gender made a difference -- that these kinds of feelings come up when they need to come up. He talked a lot about how a deep connection and safety allow what feel like really unsafe feelings to emerge and be talked about. He did say that a female therapist could offer a different perspective on female sexuality and some of the struggles and he was open to me seeing someone else if I needed to do that. But he pointed out that they were unlikely, at least at first, to be able to provide the safety to go as deep as we usually do.
I felt reassured but I'm still questioning all of this. Would it be better to work with a woman, or just different?
poster:Daisym
thread:1003938
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111017/msgs/1003938.html