Posted by partlycloudy on September 14, 2004, at 7:52:55
In reply to It's hopeless, posted by saw on September 14, 2004, at 5:08:10
How did you steal that tape out of my head? My depression became much worse when I had remarried, relocated away from painful memories, had a lovely home, a good job, and financial security. I felt so incredibly unworthy of these gifts that it left me hollow and unable to move in any direction. My therapist told me I had to change the fundamental beliefs in how I see myself, which I was certain was an impossible task. For me, trying to change from the outside in - treating myself to a manicure or a new hair colour - had temporary effects, and if anything, made me feel like I deserved such treatment even less.
The process I've been going through in EMDR treatment (more information about which can be found at EMDR.com), is helping me to see that what I've been doing is reacting to anxieties in life that have me sabotaging my own efforts.
The biggest barrier between me and my feelings of unworthiness has been alcohol. That rush to get a glass down me is a reaction to a feeling that I just can't "deal with it" any more. I am having to relearn how I deal with anxiety, in small increments.
What has helped me the most has been to become completely honest with my doctors and therapists. The brave face that the world has seen for years crumbled in what I felt was yet another defeat, but I know see that it was an opportunity for me to finally get the help I need.
I saw my EMDR therapist yesterday evening. Those who are sick of reading - I mean, familiar with my posts - know that I often am on top of the world after these appointments, brimming with optimism and newfound hope. That's what is going on here, but it strikes me that we were dealing with the very issues that have you so down now.
Your situation is not hopeless. You are able to reach out and share your pain here. That is one step. There are many other avenues available to help bring you back out of that pit you feel you're in.
Just know that we care, and we have felt the same way you have, and there are many of us who can confirm that things will be better for you.
pc
poster:partlycloudy
thread:390576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040914/msgs/390592.html