Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Michael83 on July 6, 2006, at 23:36:54
I know that most of my problems are a result of lack of self esteem. I am terrified to trust my own judgement, primarily when in comes to my fear of death and the afterlife.
Another minor problem (atleast compared to the first one), is my lack of ability to deal with girls. Although I'm very good looking, intelligent, dress well, super considerate, I am terrified to approach a girl. I think constantly "why would she want to give me the time of the day?"
Despite feeling like I can take on the world sometimes and being a huge fan of author/philosopher Ayn Rand, I still find myself paralyzed by low self esteem, especially in spiritual (my intense fear of death) and social issues (fear of rejection by a girl).
Does anyone else agree with me that the lack of self esteem is the primary source of psychological problems in most people?
Posted by Michael83 on July 6, 2006, at 23:41:07
In reply to Low self esteem, the biggest source of problems?, posted by Michael83 on July 6, 2006, at 23:36:54
=D I admire people like Dr Bob who dedicate their lives to the study of the human mind, truly the last frontier (to conquer self and mind).
Posted by Racer on July 7, 2006, at 1:26:52
In reply to Low self esteem, the biggest source of problems?, posted by Michael83 on July 6, 2006, at 23:36:54
>
> Does anyone else agree with me that the lack of self esteem is the primary source of psychological problems in most people?I'm gonna have to disagree, but only because of the word "most." In general, when I see anything saying that something is true of "most people," I get sceptical. I guess "Most people have two ears," I could go with, but anything to do with "most people feel [x]," I gotta respectfully disagree.
But that's me, and I'm a brat. (A middle aged brat, but some bratness is eternal.) (Or I'm just really immature...)
That said, I would agree that self-esteem is probably an issue of some sort for half or more of the population, in some area, at some time in their lives.
As for you, young man, lemme just suggest something to you that might help: approach "girls" as if they were people. We tend to go for that approach, you know. Sure, that's a flip way of saying it, but it sounds to me as though you're approaching women as potential girlfriends, rather than potential friends. Make friends, and you'll find yourself with a girlfriend. In fact, going out with a group of friends is a great way to learn to be more comfortable with women.
Good luck.
Posted by Michael83 on July 7, 2006, at 1:43:36
In reply to Re: Low self esteem, the biggest source of problem » Michael83, posted by Racer on July 7, 2006, at 1:26:52
>>>>>As for you, young man, lemme just suggest something to you that might help: approach "girls" as if they were people. We tend to go for that approach, you know. Sure, that's a flip way of saying it, but it sounds to me as though you're approaching women as potential girlfriends, rather than potential friends. Make friends, and you'll find yourself with a girlfriend.
I'd be scared of then ruining a good friendship with a "girlfriend/boyfrield" type relationship.
Meaningful friendships are meant to be long term, and comfortable. Dating friends can endanger that "comfort level."
Nothing can subsitute meeting and connecting with someone for the first time and having the first impression that this person is "girlfriend material."
I would feel awkward dating friends. Friends are forever, I wouldn't want to ruin a good friendship. And I don't like "casual" friends. I'm the sort who has a small handful of very close friends, as opposed to a large collections "party it up" friends.
But thanks for the advise. It did make me think.
Posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 9:18:24
In reply to Low self esteem, the biggest source of problems?, posted by Michael83 on July 6, 2006, at 23:36:54
Hi Michael,
Low self esteem is a big source of my problems. I've spent (times I think wasted) four years in therapy trying to raise mine. It's pretty well at zero and holding.
I'm not sure that I am most people, but for this one person self esteem and lack of it is directly contributing to my depression, anxiety and bulimia.
Poet
Posted by Phillipa on July 7, 2006, at 23:09:36
In reply to Re: Low self esteem, the biggest source of problems? » Michael83, posted by Poet on July 7, 2006, at 9:18:24
Michael you don't have to move fast. First develop a friendship. If something develops from that fine. If not you have a new friend. And the circle expands. Love Phillipa
Posted by cloudydaze on July 20, 2006, at 18:15:59
In reply to Re: Low self esteem, the biggest source of problems?, posted by Phillipa on July 7, 2006, at 23:09:36
About seeing girls as friends. In fact, this tends to be what a lot of girls want (not all girls, but many i have talked to).
Dating friends doesn't necessarily ruin anything.
I was friends with my bf first...and I know he'll always be my friend :)
Being friends first makes it easier to trust your partner, and establish a close relationship without having to worry about sexual intimacy and things like that (which tends to complicate matters). This way, you can ease into the relationship, and it won't be nearly as scary :)
You say you are afraid of ruining friendships...but in my opinion, life involves taking chances.
If I had not given a blind date a chance, I would have never met my BF!
Posted by elanor roosevelt on July 23, 2006, at 11:14:14
In reply to Low self esteem, the biggest source of problems?, posted by Michael83 on July 6, 2006, at 23:36:54
Step One: Re-think the Ayn Rand attachment.
Posted by finelinebob on August 15, 2006, at 0:42:21
In reply to Re: Low self esteem, the biggest source of problem, posted by elanor roosevelt on July 23, 2006, at 11:14:14
Does low self-esteem cause your problems? or do your problems cause low self-esteem?
The answer, of course, is yes.
About 20 years ago, I met one of the most fascinating people I've ever had the pleasure to know. Once we started dating, we had two months of bliss followed by two months of confusion then two months of anger and recrimination leading to a nasty break-up.
It took some time, but I did realize what I had lost in terms of her friendship, in spite of all the animosity that went on between us. Long story short: I found her phone number (thanks to Switchboard.com) and called her -- mostly at the time to say how sorry I was about how I had treated her.
She was shocked -- not just in hearing from me after so many years but in her own memory of our parting, she recalled things completely different from me and shut me up when I wanted to detail all that I did. But we had a good long talk, and we both came to realize that yes, true friendships are forever -- no matter what tantrums or distances or years might get in the way.
It can be especially hard if you have a small, tight-knit group of friends. If you're interested in someone and express it, the dynamics of the group are bound to change whether she's interested or not. But things would change if anyone in your group brought someone "in from the outside" because of a relationship.
When all is said and done, tho, it's just like Lotto: you can't win if you don't play.
Even more like the Lotto: it's not the end of the world if you lose. Don't beat yourself up over it. But if you win ... make the most of it.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Self-Esteem | Extras | FAQ
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