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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mair on December 5, 2003, at 14:24:09
I'm forever amazed by the types of things people on this site discuss with their therapists. I have an enormous aversion to revealing the details of my life and interactions to my therapist. I don't know why - it's a definite barrier to progress.
Right now I'm incredibly stressed and depressed because I think I may have really screwed something up at work. I can let her know I'm stressed and that I can't go into the details of why with her, but I can't seem to open up more and I can't give her a very cogent explanation as to why I'm so "blocked." I had an awful session yesterday mostly because I spent most of the time trying not to open up to her. Right now Igenerally just feel that I'm losing my grip, and I have no idea of how far down I'm headed.
I told her that maybe I couldn't tell her stuff because I didn't want her opinion of me lowered. That makes no sense however since I spend most of the time lots of sessions telling her how incompetant and generally "deficient" I am. I just have trouble filling in the details.
Is this similar to anyone else's experience? Any suggestions as to how I can stop being so blocked?
Mair
Posted by zenhussy on December 5, 2003, at 14:39:15
In reply to Flunking Therapy, posted by mair on December 5, 2003, at 14:24:09
> I'm forever amazed by the types of things people on this site discuss with their therapists. I have an enormous aversion to revealing the details of my life and interactions to my therapist. I don't know why - it's a definite barrier to progress.
> Right now I'm incredibly stressed and depressed because I think I may have really screwed something up at work. I can let her know I'm stressed and that I can't go into the details of why with her, but I can't seem to open up more and I can't give her a very cogent explanation as to why I'm so "blocked." I had an awful session yesterday mostly because I spent most of the time trying not to open up to her. Right now Igenerally just feel that I'm losing my grip, and I have no idea of how far down I'm headed.
> I told her that maybe I couldn't tell her stuff because I didn't want her opinion of me lowered. That makes no sense however since I spend most of the time lots of sessions telling her how incompetant and generally "deficient" I am. I just have trouble filling in the details.
> Is this similar to anyone else's experience? Any suggestions as to how I can stop being so blocked?
> MairMair,
EMDR helped me 'unblock' in ways that I never quite understood but am now able to communicate what I couldn't before.
The description of >>I can't go into the details of why with her, but I can't seem to open up more and I can't give her a very cogent explanation as to why I'm so "blocked."<< is so similar with patterns I had in therapy over the years.
The trust issue if this is tied to that is a big ol' knot to untangle.
Otherwise I'm plodding along same ol' same ol'. Progress yes but not at the pace I'd like. Funny how we want to be in control and in charge and understand it all but sometimes letting go can help us take that next step.
the zen hussy
p.s. you are not incompetent or generally deficient in any way, shape or form my dear. Please hear me when I tell you that honestly. ((Mair))
Posted by Poet on December 5, 2003, at 16:04:31
In reply to Flunking Therapy, posted by mair on December 5, 2003, at 14:24:09
mair,
I thought I was failing therapy, too. See my post from yesterday.
You seem to be like me, I have trouble opening up to my therapist, even though I trust her. She knows it and promised to never push me into talking before I'm ready. It's how she gets me to feel that I am in control: I control what we talk about.
She told me that some people she sees are blurters and some slowly reveal themselves. Needing to open up slowly does not make either of us therapy failures.
It helps me to start each session with something I'm comfortable with. Even if it's the same old, same old, it helps me feel in control. After that she asks "how is ___going, are you still feeling ____, etc. I'm still in control, but she's guiding me to what we need to really talk about. Maybe starting with something that you feel comfortable with will help you open up easier for other things.
You are not flunking therapy and surprisingly neither am I!
Poet
Posted by Dinah on December 5, 2003, at 16:30:45
In reply to Flunking Therapy, posted by mair on December 5, 2003, at 14:24:09
Mair, you're doing just fine. If, when you are having trouble talking about things, you can talk about having trouble talking, that's plenty. And it sounds as if you're getting way better at doing that.
You aren't trying to divert her attention with chit chat. You aren't pretending nothing's wrong. You're being as honest as you're able to be at this point about the things you can be that honest about.
No one's movement is more glacial than mine, yet my therapist tells me he's seen plenty of progress. And that's it's ok for me to move at my own pace.
By the way, I have trouble with work problems too. My OCD acts up big time about work, yet I don't feel at all comfortable discussing the specifics, because it's work. So I think that might be a fairly normal block.
Have you asked your therapist if she thinks you've made progress? And maybe a few specifics. I'm going to ask my therapist for specifics next time. I think that helps a whole lot when we're feeling horrendously imperfect in therapy (as I am too right now). How do you think therapy is of benefit to you? What are her ideas? I doubt she thinks that therapy is a success or failure based on a certain rate of progress. She knows everyone is different.
And don't worry about looking good in her eyes. She's your therapist. When she sees you struggling with things in your life, she feels the caring concern a good therapist feels. She's not judging you on merit.
Posted by justyourlaugh on December 5, 2003, at 17:08:30
In reply to Flunking Therapy, posted by mair on December 5, 2003, at 14:24:09
mair,,
i have the same problem..
mine however is letting my know how difficult i am being by statements; "i am asking the questions" , "is this really important to you?"
i feel really blocked aswell..
i told him i need"homework assignments" to help me along with this..
i write letters to my mom (my self this week)
read them and then throw them out..
its alot better than talking about the weather...
i dont want to waste his time(i still feel not worthy of his presence)
have you thought about bringing in your post?
j
Posted by Karen_kay on December 5, 2003, at 18:31:51
In reply to Flunking Therapy, posted by mair on December 5, 2003, at 14:24:09
I'm the exact same way with my therapist, truly! We mostly chit chat when I am in his office, or I mostly chit chat. If he brings something up that I don't want to discuss, I either ignore it, or shoot him a comment like "How are your perfect kids and your perfect life?" I'm pretty mean to him. But, near the end of the session, I begin to feel bad for wasting his time and I open up a bit more. This is the routine for me.
Also, when I'm depressed, he doesn't know it. I take great care to hide it from him. Then, when I make it through, I thank him for helping me through. I feel like the only time we do accomplish anything is when I blurt something out. But, I'm never sure what to let slip anymore.
And I try really hard to be perfect. And I told him. And he told me, "Don't you think that I can see that you aren't perfect? I can see past the act you put on." And it really started to sink in just the other night. And it kinda hurt. And now I'm starting to have nightmares again. But, I suppose it's a good thing. Because I'm going to be forced to talk to him about it.
The thing is, you can't be too worried about what your therapist is going to think of you. She is going to know the real you. And she is going to help you. But, she can't help you until she knows what is going on. Chances are, she's going to like you too! And even if she doesn't she'll pretend like she does :) (which I get that feeling a whole lot with my therapist!!)...
To help you not be so blocked.....
With me it was a control issue. It helped when I was in control of therapy, as in he never asked me any questions. It may help to figure out why you are so blocked. Let your therapist know that you are holding back and ask her to push a little harder. That helps too, if you are ready. Just know, this is common, I think, for everyone (I hope anyway :)
Karen
Posted by shar on December 6, 2003, at 20:45:20
In reply to Flunking Therapy, posted by mair on December 5, 2003, at 14:24:09
I strongly encourage you to give voice to the hidden 'deficiencies' that you have. How can you progress without that?
Unless you don't trust her, that is the place to reveal yourself.
Best of luck!
Shar
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