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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pinkeye on June 15, 2005, at 18:11:33
Day after tomorrow would be my 3 rd anniversay since I started therapy with my ex T.
I am pretty sure my ex T has forgotten me by now and haven't heard from him for a long time. And I perhaps won't hear from him again in my lifetime.
I don't know what to feel now. I don't feel anything. Actually I get pretty numb when I think of my ex T nowadays.
Posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 18:57:33
In reply to 3 rd anniversary .. don't know what to feel !!, posted by pinkeye on June 15, 2005, at 18:11:33
Pinkeye, I am so sorry that my post made you upset and sad. :( I know you are hurting so much about your exT. I sure hope I am not in same boat when termination is near. I don't even want to think about it. Anniversaries are tough. Plus remember, I was ready to rip his head off a week ago, so it changes from week to week. I think your new T is great, and is helping you. Is she aware of this anniversary? When is your next session? You may say you feel numb, but i feel your heart is bleeding internally and I feel it. I wish I could take away the pain. I think so highly of you (even if you don't want me to) and I wish happiness for you and am going to wait until it happens. It will happen, believe me, if I can heal, anyone can. I thought I was doomed to unhappiness from what my parents did to me. I think you are stronger than you realize. You have helped me so much, a weak person can't do that you know. Please don't let this anniversary get you down and if you can't help it, please let your new T help you heal. It seems like your T needs to help you more with what happened with your old T then your older issues. I want to defend you so badly, I want to smack that ex-T of yours for what he did. Sorry I am being so blunt, but I am mad at him too for hurting little pinkeye. How could anyone do that to such a nice person as you. (((((Pinkeye))))
Posted by pinkeye on June 15, 2005, at 19:13:14
In reply to Re: 3 rd anniversary .. don't know what to feel !!, posted by happyflower on June 15, 2005, at 18:57:33
Oh, don't feel bad about your post. It really didn't make me upset.. just a tiny bit jealous. That is all.
Actually I don't really feel anything. No heart bleeding and all that. So don't feel sorry for me. I am actually more blank. Maybe that indicates that I have healed.
My ex T didn't do anything to hurt me.. maybe he terminated me abruptly, but other than that, nothing much. And I don't want to keep analyzing it and talking about it with my current T. Thanks for your support !!
Posted by Tamar on June 15, 2005, at 19:46:14
In reply to 3 rd anniversary .. don't know what to feel !!, posted by pinkeye on June 15, 2005, at 18:11:33
> Day after tomorrow would be my 3 rd anniversay since I started therapy with my ex T.
Anniversaries can have so much power, can't they?
> I am pretty sure my ex T has forgotten me by now and haven't heard from him for a long time. And I perhaps won't hear from him again in my lifetime.
So he never replied to your email. I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe it was a long shot, and maybe it even helped a little bit to write to him, even if he didn't reply. However, I'm sure he hasn't forgotten you. You're unforgettable!
> I don't know what to feel now. I don't feel anything. Actually I get pretty numb when I think of my ex T nowadays.
Good numb, as in starting to heal? Or bad numb, as in "can't bear to think about it"? I hope it's the good numb.
Thinking of you.
(((((pinkeye)))))
Tamar
Posted by pinkeye on June 15, 2005, at 21:05:13
In reply to Re: 3 rd anniversary .. don't know what to feel !! » pinkeye, posted by Tamar on June 15, 2005, at 19:46:14
> Anniversaries can have so much power, can't they?
Thanks Tamar. Actually I didn't really keep thinking about this. I was surprised I even remembered. It just came to my mind.
>>
> So he never replied to your email. I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe it was a long shot, and maybe it even helped a little bit to write to him, even if he didn't reply. However, I'm sure he hasn't forgotten you. You're unforgettable!No - it didn't help to write to him. It actually made it worse and I regret that I ever wrote again and tried telling him about all this csa. I am sure he didn't understand and he thought I am trying to come up with something to get his attention. I shouldn't have tried writing after he terminated. I should have just left it, since it was clear he was not happy with me when he terminated. I think I stretched it a little too far and kept depending on him for a long time and he wasn't prepared to deal with it. Now I realize it. I realize more and more now that all along he thought of me as a nuisance - only I was dumb enough to not realize it and perpaps my transference had a role to play and I was in a child's state of mind half the time.
> Good numb, as in starting to heal? Or bad numb, as in "can't bear to think about it"? I hope it's the good numb.I don't know.. Don't know if it is good or bad.
>
> Thinking of you.
>
> (((((pinkeye)))))
>
> Tamar
>
>
Posted by Jazzed on June 15, 2005, at 22:37:27
In reply to 3 rd anniversary .. don't know what to feel !!, posted by pinkeye on June 15, 2005, at 18:11:33
> I don't know what to feel now. I don't feel anything. Actually I get pretty numb when I think of my ex T nowadays.You have been doing so well pinkeye. Try not to let this anniv. get you down. Try to immerse yourself in your work like you've been doing, and if that doesn't get you through it, you always know the boards are here for you.
Jazzy
Posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 13:31:50
In reply to Re: 3 rd anniversary .. don't know what to feel !!, posted by Jazzed on June 15, 2005, at 22:37:27
Thanks Jazzed.
I am busy in work as well, so it won't be a problem I think. Plus I am beginning to think I have learnt what I needed to learn and have let go. Sometimes I still feel bad, but many times I am quite allright. Plus I knew all along that I could not continue therapy forever.
Posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 19:35:21
In reply to Re: 3 rd anniversary .. don't know what to feel !! » Jazzed, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 13:31:50
I don't like my ex T at all. He doesn't understand me.. he never did. He is not very good with emotions.. He is probably a very cruel person. He is very much like my father, and my father is like him. They are both alike, and they both hurt women so much. They pretend to care, but all they do is end up hurting more than anyone else. My father was also very much like that.. He thinks he helped me the most, but he ended up hurting me the most. Men like my father are nor worth it. They are so angry persons, and they don't understand emotions, and they think they know everything and that they are the most generous and caring persons in the whole world.. and nobody knows anything else.. but in truth they don't understand any emotion, they lack any empathy, they are stupid, they think people have to be able to bear their own pain, they dismiss any emotions and ask people to bear it in silence..and they are capable of extreme cruelty that nobody else is capable of.
Posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 21:51:26
In reply to I don't like my ex T » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 19:35:21
Why am I confusing my father and my ex T so very much? I wish I can see them separately.. I am projecting my father onto everybody.. even to my hsuband sometimes I do it.. I think he is extremely controlling, he is cruel, he is bossy and arrogant many times when he is not. Then I realize that it was all about my father. It is so very hard to break away from projecting
Posted by gardenergirl on June 17, 2005, at 10:56:06
In reply to why am I confusing » pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on June 16, 2005, at 21:51:26
Hi pinkeye,
Just wanted to give you a kudos for recognizing that you sometimes project your father onto your hubby and others. That's the first step to dealing with it---recognizing that its happening!Good for you. It will get better.
gg
Posted by pinkeye on June 17, 2005, at 16:33:52
In reply to Re: why am I confusing » pinkeye, posted by gardenergirl on June 17, 2005, at 10:56:06
thanks gg
sometimes I think this is all just a fake.. all this therapy and dwelling into emotions etc.
I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.. and I hate my ex T so much today.
This is the end of the thread.
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