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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmealltalk on March 22, 2013, at 21:59:23
I feel like every time I decide to actually write something here, as opposed to just read what others are up to, I am in the midst of feeling abandoned by my therapist or she is away or something like that. Its been like a year and a half i think since she moved to a new office, (she had a home office that she moved out of after the death of her husband) and I still am having a hard time dealing with all the changes in treatment. I feel like i used to be so much more close to her and important to her then and now i feel so neglected and abandoned. I see her and skype with her so my sessions haven't decreased but its still very different. It gets me so depressed at times that i am losing her, which she denies, she just says things change, and I really cannot handle it. If she tells me one more time we will just have to continue to work on it I may scream. I miss my old therapist and the changes are not her fault, but i feel so dependent on her and she isn't there in the same way for me. And it seems she only recognizes the anger this causes me rather than the sadness or loss. I probably don't even make sense right now because i am so upset and feel so alone but I just wish things could go back in time, which she probably does too in some ways, but they cant and dealing with the changes remains a huge issue for me. I have seen her for over 20 years and I know I should be handling this better but i'm not. It feels to me that she showed me that i could be accepted for who I was and cared about and all that and now she is less interested in me or less available and i resent her for showing me the good in the first place if it would just be withdrawn. OK, I know I make no sense, but i miss my old therapist.
Mel
Posted by rjlockhart37 on March 23, 2013, at 0:46:45
In reply to Dependency on T, posted by mmealltalk on March 22, 2013, at 21:59:23
i'm not experienced in seeing a T for 20 years...im only 25....but what i can say is sometimes relationships are full of emotion and care and love...and it feel so real, but it can fade....and you have to know its not your fault. .....you have to accept it....20 years of seeing a therpist...that is hard....but always look at other options that could create these feelings your having...which could be dependecy...when that is gone....it is vary hard to cope...the life/emotional support has been cut off....you have to find antoher option. But....i'm limited on this....that's all the words i can give....try to find a way maybe to restore it...think about new things to talk about....find some kinda of converrstion to bring life back into it....
Posted by baseball55 on March 23, 2013, at 19:25:31
In reply to Re: Dependency on T, posted by rjlockhart37 on March 23, 2013, at 0:46:45
I found it was very important to try to form other caring relationships outside of that with my therapist and to use what I learned in therapy to improve the relationships I did have. That way, I was able gradually to let him go. I used to see him an hour a week (I would have liked more, but he felt it would make things too intense). Now I see him for a half-an-hour a month. And I'm okay with that. I have developed other relationships of mutual trust and caring that I didn't have before I started seeing him.
I hope you can transfer some of what you've learned from your t to other relationships.
Posted by Dinah on April 14, 2013, at 10:31:59
In reply to Dependency on T, posted by mmealltalk on March 22, 2013, at 21:59:23
I understand your feelings. I've been with my therapist in times when he's been going through stuff, and he was clearly less emotionally available to me. He tried, but he was drowning himself.
I suppose there were two alternatives available to him when he wasn't able to be the therapist I needed. One was to admit it and tell me he couldn't see me. The other was to also admit it, and do the best he could with me until his life settled down and he was able to be himself.
And I had a couple of choices (possibly more that I didn't see). I could decide he couldn't provide what I needed and stop seeing him either temporarily or permanently. Or I could decide that I would hope that I would wait it out and suffer the pain of misattunement until he could again be the therapist he used to be with me, and the fear that he might never be. I used both choices over time. I guess maybe things never got back entirely to where they once were. Not so much because he permanently changed - he didn't - but because I permanently recognized his humanity, and accepted that he couldn't necessarily really be there for me when I needed him. That he was a person too, doing the best he could. And that sometimes that best wasn't really good enough.
Maybe it was a healthy change in our relationship, in that it's more grounded on reality. But I really miss the days when, whatever my brain said, I still believed that my therapist mommy could make it all better.
She's being there for you as best she can. It isn't enough for what you need. Both of you may be frustrated by that, and maybe that's why she sees the anger. Because to some extent, she feels frustration too - that you don't see that she's doing her best. Maybe it would be helpful for both of you to bring up the frustration that might lie on each side? The feelings of being misunderstood that lie on each side? Don't make it about her of course. It's your time, not hers, but it might help to address the elephant in the room that's interfering with therapy.
Posted by Dinah on April 14, 2013, at 10:52:27
In reply to Re: Dependency on T » mmealltalk, posted by Dinah on April 14, 2013, at 10:31:59
Mind you, I'm only philosophical about it in retrospect.
It hurt like h*ll, and was very scary and destabilizing.
Posted by Mmealltalk on April 14, 2013, at 16:50:52
In reply to Re: Dependency on T, posted by Dinah on April 14, 2013, at 10:52:27
Thank you for this post. It's something I struggle with all the time and knowing that others understand makes a huge difference. Things are getting a bit better, tho it depends what day you catch me on that I'd say that but my wishes for tx to be like it was before continues. I'm trying to go with the flow sort of. Hopefully things will improve more!
Mel
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