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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by winsome on July 12, 2013, at 9:13:58
My therapist of 12 years is closing his practice. This has brought up many issues with me (and many other patients.) He told my husband (in therapy) first. My husband, knowing my abandonment issues, asked if therapist would be willing to see any patients from his practice. My therapist said he had already considered that for me.
My therapist has offered to see me in a combination of Skype (I think he will not always have an office) and in person sessions. I am the only one he is offering to see after his practice closes. I asked why just me and he said "you would have the hardest time making a new attachment." Could it be that he has an attachment to me? (as in, does he like me? Not love me.) Or, is it just a diagnostic decision, a business decision--no emotion? I am trying to read between the lines here.
Obviously, I am very attached.
Unsure, sad, nervous and confused.
Posted by Dinah on July 12, 2013, at 15:07:27
In reply to Therapist closing his pratice, posted by winsome on July 12, 2013, at 9:13:58
My therapist has told me that even if he retires, he would continue to see me until he's too feeble to be of any use. We'd work out something. His reason was the same as your therapist's. That I was attached, and had abandonment issues. He even added that he doubted I would attach easily to another therapist. He did, I must admit, have reasons for that conclusion.
I took it as caring. Because really he has no obligation to continue to see you. He could just hand you off to another therapist. He cares that it would hurt you if he did that.
I'm not sure what "liking" would mean, in comparison to caring. I'm not even certain my therapist likes me. He wouldn't want to hang out with me in his real life. In fact he kind of hurt my feelings today. He mentioned today that there were clients he might like to have as friends, but that he never could because he was their therapist. He wasn't talking about me, I can assure you. I thought my transference was at a point where that wouldn't bother me, but I was apparently wrong.
But he does care about me, and he wants what's best for me.
I'm sure there are diagnostic considerations in there. A therapist who cares for their client will want to do what's best for them. They wouldn't encourage a dependency that was unhealthy. If he thought that seeing him sometimes in person and sometimes on Skype, in what is undoubtedly a less than ideal situation, was not in your best interests, a caring therapist would do what he could to see you settled with another therapist.
So, from that point of view, had he pushed you towards another nest, it may have been a sign of caring. But I think continuing to see you in the circumstances is definitely a sign of caring.
If for any reason it doesn't work out, please don't see that as a *lack* of caring.
I think he's trying to do his best for you. His best professionally, certainly. But his best as a professional who does care what happens to you.
Posted by winsome on July 12, 2013, at 15:29:26
In reply to Re: Therapist closing his pratice » winsome, posted by Dinah on July 12, 2013, at 15:07:27
to Dinah, thank you so much for the email! My situation is similar to yours in that he feels I would have great difficulty bonding with another therapist and with good reason. I am also attached with abandonment issues.
Maybe "liking" implies the wrong thing. He did tell me he likes seeing me for therapy and something else to that effect which I am forgetting. I was quiet upset to say the least.
Seeing me on Skype part of the time is not what I want. I am hoping when he is in his new job he will find more opportunity to see me in person. I take it you aren't crazy about Skype either. I am afraid both of us would miss the body language and closeness of physically being in the session.
I say that because he will close in Sept. and he will need to see what his new job demands, etc. I don't want to push him as I know he seems very stressed now. I asked him if he thought this would be ok with him as I didn't want to start, only to have to quit. He said he wouldn't have offered if he wasn't sure. Usually he has a very caring manner but his reply seemed terse. So, I figure to take what I can now and gently push for in person. Do you think this is wise?
I also feel bad for his other patients who, of course, want to keep seeing him, too. He did mention I should keep this plan to myself. My husband says to be happy for the current plan.
I am very happy you have such a "caring" therapist. What a wonderful thing he has told you. That would make me feel very secure.
And, you are correct that is would be wrong to encourage me in an unhealthy way but isn't being attached like being somewhat dependent? I can't imagine not seeing him.
Thanks, again. This is a difficult time.
Winsome
Posted by Dinah on July 12, 2013, at 15:49:20
In reply to Re: Therapist closing his pratice, posted by winsome on July 12, 2013, at 15:29:26
Well, pragmatically speaking, I'd take what he has to offer right now and be as gracious as possible. Try to be as understanding as possible, and as cooperative as possible. I would mention any concerns I had about less face to face contact fairly judiciously and trying not to be confrontational.
After all, you don't know yet what will happen. You just fear the unknown.
As it happens, things worked out far better for my therapist and I than we thought - after a period of time. But during that year or so when he moved three hours away, I agreed to drive there on occasion, and whenever he was in town, we met wherever and whenever he had the time. I tried to show my commitment to making it work. Mind you, I probably whined and moaned some, and annoyed him to death when he thought of himself as going well out of his way to accomodate me.
But eventually the dust cleared, and things weren't as bad as we either of us feared. He even moved back to commuting distance from town.
Not all dependence is bad. My therapist, for the most part, didn't make me feel as if it was. But there is no denying that there are instances when therapists *do* think maintaining contact might be not in the best interests of a client, in that it might hinder their developing a relationship with a more available therapist. Apparently your therapist doesn't feel this way. The pragmatic goal (which may, admittedly, conflict one day with the therapeutic goals) is to keep him in that frame of mind.
Posted by winsome on July 12, 2013, at 21:32:52
In reply to Re: Therapist closing his pratice » winsome, posted by Dinah on July 12, 2013, at 15:49:20
Thanks, again, Dinah, your advice is sound. I will let him know my preference for in person sessions. The only problem is he seems to think Skype works well. He has used it for patients who are in another country temporarily with "good" results in his eyes. Of course, if I were in another country, it would be better than not having therapy to use Skype!
Any other comments or suggestions are very much welcomed. Thanks, winsome
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