Posted by fallsfall on December 30, 2003, at 8:36:15
In reply to I'm lost, posted by DaisyM on December 29, 2003, at 22:35:38
I can't even see me in a room with him able to order him around. I couldn't do the ordering. I'm not sure that he couldn't do the obeying.
See, Daisy? I'm worse off than you...
I often can't talk to anyone after a session for some number of hours (4, 6, 8). I need to let the session rumble around in my brain so I can finish processing it. I do, however, often try to summarize the session (sometimes on Babble, sometimes privately to friends, sometimes in journalling) - I think that helps it to solidify for me.
The day after a session is the day that I will need him most. I seem able to calm down from there.
Try journalling TO him (like a letter, but more personal). This will let you get your feelings and ideas out. Saying "I want to see *you*" or "I know that *you* want me to..." always helped me to feel more connected. This also has helped me get past certain ideas (they are now on paper, so I don't have to keep them in my head). You can also read the journalling before your next session so you won't forget anything.
It is always hard to balance my need and his right to have a vacation. I firmly believe in his right to have time off, so I try to understand that he has needs too - and this (one) time his needs come before mine. Being "able" to call him has plusses and minuses - I would never want to call him on vacation, being able to gives me temptation that I have to keep fighting off - but knowing that he was willing to talk to me felt warm and fuzzy.
I certainly am no one to tell you how to reduce dependency... But my current therapist is better than my last one at not being so seductive (in a dependency way) than my last one. He is a little removed, which helps me not fall headfirst down the dependency hole. But his blank slate has cracked enough so that I know that he truly cares - it is almost like he hides his caring, but it bleeds through often enough for me to feel safe and held. So far, this seems to work for me. (My other option for a therapist was so warm and enveloping. It would have been lovely to wallow in her caring, but I think I would have disappeared into dependency forever.)
Chocolate (QUALITY chocolate), ice cream, swings, color with crayons, lots of little kid things (maybe when I'm doing little kid things feeling dependent doesn't feel so wrong?). Journal, post, mark the days off on the calendar, calculate the hours.
poster:fallsfall
thread:294529
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/294625.html