Posted by gardenergirl on October 26, 2004, at 22:17:11
In reply to pretty bad depression, posted by crushedout on October 26, 2004, at 20:30:20
Crushed,
I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling so down. I can definitely relate to the wanting to sleep the day away. I can easily sleep that late, too, when I am depressed. In fact, sleeping more rather than insomnia is one of the signs of atypical depression. I'm not sure if yo are familiar with that versus major depression. Perhaps you are, but if not, the other criteria (you need 3 out of the four) are: eating more rather than losing your appetite like in reg. depression, rejection sensitivity (thinking that most people and /or events are a rejection of you, or worrying that you will be rejected...for me this leads to avoidance, big time!), and finally, mood reactivity, meaning that you are not always down, but can feel up in certain situations or around certain people. Just a thought, cause regular treatment for depression, at least as far as meds go, is less effective for atypical depression. I take Nardil, an MAOI, which has been much better than SSRI's.Okay, enough of me going on and on about one line you posted about sleep.
I noticed a couple of other things, too, that worried me.
>She seemed really annoyed with me, which of course made me feel worse. And she told me she was frustrated and all I wanted was for her to become hopeless with me but she wasn't going to do that because she didn't want to feel hopeless. She said she didn't like feeling depressed anymore than I did.
What did she say or do to make it seem like she was annoyed with you? Because if she genuinely was annoyed with you for being depressed, I'd, um, like to give her a good shake. Regarding her feeling hopeless, if I am understanding that right, you wanted her to join you in this feeling? I'm not sure about why you wanted this, and mostly I'm just curious.
But I'm guessing what you wanted was some empathy and to feel not alone in this. And instead, you felt bad about what you were feeling?
>
> I don't know if she's doing a good job. She just gets annoyed at me because I make her feel like a failure. I should be better already and she must be tired of me. (I even hinted at the topic of suicide and she doesn't take that seriously. I don't think she cares at all. It's pretty awful.)_There's two things here that concern me. One is the idea that you make her feel anything, let alone like a failure. Her feelings and reactions are her own. They should not be tied to your actions or inactions. Especially whether she is a success or failure. Patients cannot fail therapy, but therapists can fail patients. Or sometimes therapy fails for no real reason.
And not taking suicidal thoughts seriously? Hmmm, is this how she normally responds to this? I'm concerned, if you are feeling so bad that these thoughts are creeping in. Do you have someone you can turn to if it gets so bad you feel unsafe? I hope so. Please keep posting, too.
>
> I'm sorry to be such a downer, thsi is just where I am, and it sucks.You are not a downer. You are feeling down. And I'm sure it does suck. I'm sorry you are in that hole. I wish there was something I could do to help pull you out. You're not alone, though. There are others who understand that feeling and are reaching out to you.
(((((((((crushed))))))))))
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:407671
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/407719.html