Posted by crushedout on October 28, 2004, at 14:48:06
In reply to i posted on the grief board about it » Dinah, posted by crushedout on October 28, 2004, at 11:08:59
Well, I had therapy today. She asked me how my mood was -- I said it hadn't changed. I said I didn't really understand what happened last session, why she thought that I was trying to make her feel hopeless. She said she didn't say that. Then she changed the subject back to what I'm going to do about my depression. So we talked about what I'm doing (I called that psychopharm guy -- we have an appointment for tomorrow, but I'm so tempted to cancel it right now, it's driving me nuts).Then I said why'd she change the subject -- I wanted to talk about last session. So we talked about it. I told her I felt like she used to empathize with me but now she's just frustrated and annoyed and that wasn't helpful to me. She said it maybe didn't feel helpful but she thinks it's what I need. I'm not working hard enough and I need someone to get impatient with me. I was slightly incredulous. I told her I was doing the best I could. She said "I know it feels like you're doing the best you can." But she thinks I can do better, or something like that.
Anyway, I told her she'd abandoned me. She said I felt abandoned. I said I didn't just feel abandoned -- it was real. She said my name (she never does that), that she's right here, she hasn't really abandoned me. I said one could be physically present and still have abandoned someone. She swore she hadn't abandoned me. I said I appreciated that (but I was still very skeptical).
I'm just so confused. I was very close to ending it with her today, and I still am. I even called another therapist I got a referral for from my [ex-?]boyfriend , who's a T himself. This other T seeemed really warm. I liked her immediately. I guess that's good. She's going to call me back tonight at 8:30. Maybe that will give me some clarity.
I don't know whether to trust my current T or not. She said I had a right to think she was doing bad therapy, but she didn't think so. I don't know. I'm not presenting this very clearly. I'm all befuddled. Sorry.
poster:crushedout
thread:407671
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/408429.html