Posted by pegasus on November 24, 2004, at 13:27:34
In reply to Re: communication after termination--my story, posted by messadivoce on November 23, 2004, at 11:49:59
I think that terminating therapy is complicated and confusing for both the client and the therapist. Only, I think a lot of therapists don't realize how complicated it is, and so they rely on the "rules" that are laid out in the ethical guidelines of their professional organizations, or whatever, to deal with the confusion. I've been in grad school to become a counselor, and I can tell you that none of my classes have come close to touching on termination in an adequate way. What I've learned about termination is as a client, and that lesson has been very painful. Although, thank goodness, I did terminate with a T who understood and respected the power of the attachment that he had encouraged during out therapy. So he has maintained email contact with me, and his messages are usually quite warm, even if often short. It makes a world of difference.
I bet your ex-T just doesn't understand what happens to a client during termination. And I can tell you that what they teach in the classes is that you shouldn't maintain much contact with clients after termination. Which in my opinion is cold, and even cruel. But the goal in that teaching is that you don't want to encourage a client to continue to be dependent on you, when that's not going to be in the client's best interest, because you can't be fully available to them as a therapist. The goal is noble, even if the recommended method is off the mark, IMHO.
By the way, I had an interesting disussion with my current T about how different approaches to therapy put a different amount of emphasis on that attachment between client and therapist. My old T used a form that particularly encouraged attachment, which made the termination really hard. My new T uses a more egalitarian, collaborative mode, that does indeed make me feel less attached. So I'm hoping when I terminate this one, it'll be easier.
But, oy, do I still feel the pain from that previous termination! I wish you much luck in working with this.
pegasus
poster:pegasus
thread:419213
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041123/msgs/419770.html