Posted by alexandra_k on March 3, 2005, at 23:28:53
In reply to Re: missing my ex t » pinkeye, posted by Susan47 on March 3, 2005, at 16:46:23
> Therapists just have so much power, they have a great deal of power over us because we're just so insecure.
Yes Susan, they do. That is why there are such strict ethical guidelines in place.
>When they leave us feeling bad about ourselves, as mine did and I suspect yours did on some level too, it's not a matter of us just being able to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off.
I know hon. I have almost self-destructed twice now as a result of the way in which I was terminated. It hurts like hell. Sometimes I think they can't understand that. Not really. Because if they did understand then they wouldn't do it. Otherwise they are just the most cruel sadistic bastards on the face of the earth.
>And it makes me angry and upset to think that's what my therapist did to me, because I wasn't able to vocalize my inability to fight for therapy, to fight for what I needed to get from him, in any other way than a roundabout method, and he did not get the message, he just did not understand.
Maybe he felt severely out of his depth Susan. I don't know. I emailed the last therapist who terminated me and went off at her. I was going round and round in circles HOW COULD SHE DO THIS TO ME? DIDN'T SHE REALISE HOW IMPORTANT SHE WAS TO ME? DIDN'T SHE REALISE THAT I F*CKING WELL STAYED ALIVE BECAUSE OF HER? etc etc. She wrote back saying that she didn't know what to do with me. That she had burned herself out trying to help me and worrying about me. That she had gotten sick herself.
My anger vanished and my despair set in.
Horrible.
Horrible.> I get so angry with him, his dishonesty and his inability in telling me how to back off without hurting me ..
It sounds like he really did feel out of his depth Susan.
>but I love him, too, and don't get mad at me for saying that, but I do, I love him and I want to protect him because I don't believe he meant to hurt me. I believe he was a good person but I don't know, maybe he isn't as mentally healthy as I thought he was.
Thats okay Susan. I think he probably is a really good person - but he is a human being. And human beings are fallible. They have their own limitations and weaknesses. You don't have to be mad at him (but it is okay if you are sometimes).
I idealised my therapist rather... But it was an unrealistic idealisation that no human being could live up to. I worried that if I acknowledged her weaknesses that it would mean that she was unable to help me. And if she was unable to help me then nobody else could either. And so things would never get better for me. But none of that follows Susan. None of it.
> I do know definitely from what he said to me, that he sees people like me as being somehow deficient, or lacking. Less than. Timothy Findley says this in his play Stillborn Lover, "You've just revealed a prejudice you didn't know you had". I wonder how many T's and Psych's have that prejudice.
It is their weakness. They should say 'I feel like you need more than I can give'. Linehan talks about this specifically. About some therapists can feel like their clients have this immense hole inside them that nothing can fill. About how the therapist can sometimes feel like no matter how much they pour into it it never makes any difference.
She reframes it in terms of how close we need to feel to people. It just reflects that the client needs to feel closer and more connected to the therapist. That therapists who require more distance in their personal interactions can interpret their clients as being forever needy. But that they are sustaining those behaviours by not being able to move closer.
That some therapists can be unaware of this.
And other therapists may be aware of it but unable to move closer because of their own need for space.Well, thats how I remember it anyway...
Hang in there Susan.
You are a wonderful person.
Things will get better.
You are trying to deal with a whole bunch of really hard stuff right now.((((Susan)))))
poster:alexandra_k
thread:465969
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/466277.html