Posted by 10derHeart on March 17, 2005, at 13:13:53
In reply to A form of dissociation I hate. I'm so weird., posted by Dinah on March 17, 2005, at 10:04:21
Dinah, I really think Susan may have come awfully close to the heart of this. The way she expressed so simply the "love>>hurt>>disconnect" sequence, etc. resonated so much. Because reading this thread, and your previous one just after he called, I kept thinking about that idea of "purposely forgetting" what he said during your "heated exchange." I guess I'm saying you minimized it more than enough to make me want to suggest bringing it right to the forefront...?
And if this is what's happening, of course you'd be still anxious. Especially since you've said it is *just* like with your mother. That image sounds scary and unsafe, so dissociating with your T. (therapist/mommy) and having it feel the same, would probably feel fairly awful. ((Dinah))
You used the words "rude" and "insulting" to describe whatever he said after you'd offered up your suggestion to him. Which, BTW, really jumped out at me as you'd also said "bared my soul," about that conversation. That's a strong statement, especially after he'd been gone on a trip, and then to be, in essence, rejected. Ouch. Yuk.
Like Susan, I'm thinking whatever things he said were really quite bad. And I'm wondering if there's deep disappointment in finding out the phone call was much more apology than "checking on you." If you were going to sort of place it along side his offer about your father's funeral, which I remember touched you, did he maybe "spoil" that somewhat?
I hope I have given you some ideas - or at least not made an *ss out of myself. Sorry the session went like that - your words about dissociating and not really recognizing *who* he was to you were powerful.
I'm really, really sure this will all be temporary.
poster:10derHeart
thread:471999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050315/msgs/472073.html