Posted by Dinah on June 16, 2005, at 10:46:18
Because I know it makes people feel uncomfortable.
My emotional self is afraid it's slipping away. As my rational/intellectual side becomes stronger and stronger.
I feel like I'm losing my ties to Babble and to my therapist. I don't know what's happening. I suspect it's related to stopping Depakote, because the timing is good for that. But it's also good for the Babble birthday party. And for changing my plan about termination. Although that was probably a result, not a cause, I would think.
And I don't want to go. Last time that side of me disappeared for ten or fifteen years. And I guess I was happier and more productive then. But not real and authentic. Just "she who is as she should be".
I'm trying desperately to cling to something. My therapist isn't giving me anything to cling to. I thought of picking a fight with him, to up the intensity. I can't recall what I was so excited about working on just a few weeks ago. And when he reminds me, it doesn't seem at all connected to me.
poster:Dinah
thread:513692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/513692.html