Posted by sunny10 on June 20, 2005, at 12:23:02
In reply to Re: I think I might be irritated, posted by Dinah on June 19, 2005, at 16:28:11
when I get to the point of self-harm, it is usually because I am so angry. Angry at others for not understanding me, mad at them for hurting me, made at myself for not being able to make myself understood, mad at myself for allowing what someone else else says or does to hurt me.
I am angry at the world. And I am angry most of all that "there is no way out" (well, in depression it always seems that way). I am angry that my life is all work and no play. Even when I am not "at work", I am still working to practice all of these coping skills all the time. I am angry and exhausted.
Yet the only place were only one person knows this about me is at work! No matter what my head is doing, my work doesn't suffer much. I may be a little distractible, a little less focussed, a little less motivated, but no one ever knows that I am suffering on the inside.
But it is a lot of work to keep up that facade. And I think you are feeling the same kind of exhaustion. You are making a conscious decision to stop feeling.
Problem is, you can't stop yourself from feeling. You can only stop yourself from validating your own feelings. And we all know that when we don't validate our feelings, we stuff them deep inside and need more years of therapy to drag them into the light of day and deal with them! What it takes us two days to deal with "in the moment" takes about two years to unearth in therapy, I think.
My question to you is this;
Do you really want to create MORE future work for yourself?
I am struggling, too, with trying to get my logical side to mesh with my emotional side and it's tough. I am not for one second suggesting that it is easy. I, obviously, have not mastered it.
But I won't stop trying.
Humongous Hugs to you, Dinah.
I'm thinking of you.
poster:sunny10
thread:513692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050615/msgs/515981.html