Posted by alexandra_k on July 3, 2005, at 18:35:14
In reply to Still torn - longish, posted by Shortelise on July 3, 2005, at 18:05:33
Hello. I haven't been following your saga but I hope you don't mind my jumping on in at this point.
Apologies in advance for any misunderstandings I have from not having followed it till this point.
(((ShortE))) Things sound really hard. I think I know what you mean about people who have the 'gift of the gab' and about how hard it can be to talk to them. I felt like that a lot as a kid. That the rest of the world used some sort of logic that I didn't understand. Maybe thats why I got so motivated later in life to learn as much about it as I possibly could. It is an unintended side-affect that people find me to be like that when they are having discussions with me sometimes :-( But I remember that feeling. I still get it quite a lot where I can't think of what to say, or a comprehensible way of saying it at the time. If I have some time to reign in my emotions and write about it I fare a lot better. But when I'm nailed there and need to say something... Well... Silence is about all there is. Silence and frustration.
It sounds like he is trying to push you to verbalise. It sounds to me like he thinks you have progressed to a point where the goal-posts or the rules of therapy have changed and now he expects you to verbalise more.
But maybe he is pushing a bit hard. It would seem to me to be counter-productive to have you feeling like you are backed into a corner and there is nothing left to be done but to be silent.
Is he invalidating of your experience? I wondered if that was it. If you are trying to talk about how you FEEL or the way you see things - and then he approaches it logically and tries to show you where he thinks you are going wrong or whatever. Because that can feel really threatening when a t wants to look at the logic of your interpretations when you are trying to express how your interpretations have you feeling.
I think that sometimes... The reduction in validation is seen as a consequence of the clients having made progress. They have moved beyond being able to adequately describe their experience and are ready to have a good hard (logical) look at the interpretations they are making. But if there is too much of a reduction in validation of the clients experience and what they do have to say then that can lead to them withdrawing.
Does this make any sense, or am I talking out of my *ss? I'm not sure...
If it does sound right, could you ask him to ease up a little? Maybe try and write something and give it to him.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:523054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/523063.html