Posted by fallsfall on July 4, 2005, at 8:46:33
In reply to Still torn - longish, posted by Shortelise on July 3, 2005, at 18:05:33
>I used to feel this way with my sister, defeated, contstantly defeated, because she used a logic that I don't possess, and I could never compete with it. It was pure logic, and she could twist and turn it at her will, and I could not. I am playing chess and they are playing checkers and their rules make no sense to me.
This sounds like transference to me. You are relating to him as you used to relate to your sister. The other thing that points to transference is that you feel that he has "changed". If he says that he is not doing things differently (and you really need to ask very specifically), then the two of you need to determine what HAS changed. Is it subtleties in his behavior? Or is it your perceptions?
These are excruciating sessions. Where you have to dissect everything and figure out what really happened - what in your perception is skewed, and what in his perception is skewed. It does feel like a fight. When I get in these situations it feels like I'm trying to prove that my perceptions are real, while he's trying to prove that reality is different from what I perceived. All I can tell you is that when I've been able to pursue the fight to the end (I guess it is known as "resolving the transference"), I have moved forward. But I can't just give in and say "Gee, you must know more than I do about it". The fight for reality is important somehow. Don't give up now. Follow this through. If it gets too excruciating, ask for extra sessions so that the calendar time of the misery doesn't have to be so long.
I can SOOO relate to playing a different game and not understanding the rules. I'm sorry. That is a very frustrating place to be.
Best luck
poster:fallsfall
thread:523054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/523240.html