Posted by Jazzed on July 5, 2005, at 10:43:26
In reply to 3 days and counting...(a little long), posted by daisym on July 4, 2005, at 15:50:10
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> Why is today painful and hard? It is a holiday and I should have more to distract me. Instead I'm sort of moving through the day, locked in my own head as I clean the bathrooms and make brownies. (NO, not at the same time!). I just keep thinking that in two years I haven't learned the major thing I went into therapy to learn. I wanted to learn how to relax and take better care of myself and to really reach out and receive support from other people. I'm still so far from knowing how to do that.There's so much wisdom in all the posts to you that I can't add anything to this except to say that this sounds like the perfect way to start back up with your therapist.
It sounds like you're overwhelmed, but I'm amazed at your ability to work, clean, cook, and post, along with I'm sure a lot of other things. I know that to you the constant work is a negative though. I guess the coffee and staying up all night sound to me like the most detrimental of the old coping skills.
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> After two years, shouldn't I know how to soothe myself better? I've lost hope that I can ever have these comforts in my real life. I guess I lack the courage to reveal how much I need another person to just hold me and let me cry. It is just too da*n dangerous! And besides, I'm not supposed to want to cry over things, crying doesn't solve problems and only makes people lose faith in you.Can you bring yourself to talk about this with your T, esp. since it feels so hard to reveal how much you want and need to be held? Crying does help and is healing! Esp. tears of emotion.
This wasn't from the site I was looking for, but it says some of the same stuff:
Digital Archive of
PSYCHOHISTORY
Articles & Texts
[Books texts] [Journal Articles] [Charts] [Prenatal]
[Trauma Model]TEARS
Why do people cry? Recent evidence suggests that the tears produced by emotional crying may be a way that the body disposes of toxic substances. It may seem strange to think of crying as beneficial, yet many people say that "a good cry" makes them feel better.The belief that crying has positive effects is of ancient origin;. More than two thousand years ago, Aristotle theorized that crying at a drama "cleanses the mind" of suppressed emotions by a process called catharsis: the reduction of distress by releasing the emotions. Many people attend movies and plays that they know beforehand are, shall we say, "elicitors of psychogenic lacrimation," or tearjerkers. Such people may cry freely in movies and may delight in the experience.
There have been a few studies on the health effects of crying. Borquist in 1906 obtained reports of the effects of crying, including the observation of 54 or 57 respondents that crying had positive results. Herbert Weiner found from reports that Asthma Attacks – long thought to be largely psychosomatic – may cease as a result of crying.
While the research on the benefits of crying is intriguing but hardly decisive, other strands of evidence are becoming available. Tears produced by emotional crying differ in chemical content from those caused by irritants such as onion juice. Emotional tears contain more protein than tears induced by irritants. William Frey contends that emotional crying is an eliminative process in which tears actually remove toxic substances form the body.
Crying may "cleanse the mind" in a much more literal sense than even the catharsis theorists imagine. Other researchers are now examining the contents of emotional tears for substances such as endorphins, ACTH, prolactin and growth hormone, all of which are released by stress. While the research on psychoactive substances in tears is just beginning, there is reason to think that emotional tears may be important in the maintenance of physical health and emotional balance.
Crying is not grief; it is a way of getting over your grief. Trembling isn't the same as fear. Rather it is part of a letting go of fear. In the same manner, embarrassed laughter, yawning, and even rapid, excited talking are parts of the healing process that get mistaken for symptoms of the problem.
Jante Yassen, a Boston area social worker who leads groups for incest survivor, talks of the necessity of at least "1500 hours of crying" to get over the hurts of incest.
When we experience a loss or trauma, it creates energy within us that needs to be discharged. Unresolved grief festers like a deep wound when this energy is not discharged, this then builds up a state of chronic distress = Chronic Trauma Disorder {DSM, IV - proposed - PTSD}
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> And I hate myself that I'm so underwater with it, drowning quietly, the fight completely gone out of me. I am just so pathetic.I hope once your T is back you'll be able to get back your connection quickly and not feel abandoned. It seems like you're so hard on yourself. I just hope you can really open up and that your T comes back ready to help you with all the feelings you've been struggling with while he's been gone.
I'm glad you were able to call and talk to your dad, even though you weren't able to get what you really needed. Sometimes a loving voice helps just a bit.
Jazzy
poster:Jazzed
thread:523383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/523679.html