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Re: Allisonross » Dinah

Posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 9:49:12

In reply to Allisonross, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2005, at 9:02:24

> > Hey, there! Perhaps I will decide to stay, to just see how many other tornadoes I can cause!
> >
> > As I tell people in my office, I have so little time, and so many more people to aggravate!
> >
> > Just jokin' everyone, just jokin here!!
> >
>
> I understand that was a joke. But I wonder why you chose to make it.

See, this is more criticism...I chose to make it because I thought it was amusing, and OBVIOUSLY a joke.

Since it's other people's feelings that you're talking about, and they're standing right here, so to speak.

Other person's feelings? About what?
>
> > I meant basically, as adults we can choose to say nothing if the "stuff" has nothing to do with us, or we will hurt another human being. I don't know if I am expressing this well, but I am trying.
>
> But on the other hand, people are saying this "stuff" *does* have something to do with them. And that it *is* hurting them. As adults, we can also choose to respect and validate *their* feelings.
>
> I'm not sure that we can get anywhere without expressing understanding of the other person(s) feelings, and regret for any pain we may be inadvertantly causing others. And I mean that for everyone.
>
> I remember once that I was told something I wrote needed a trigger warning. And while I didn't understand it myself, I appreciated that it was important to someone else. So, perhaps with a bit of "huh?" I tried to start putting triggers on it. Since it doesn't viscerally affect me, I might slip up from time to time, but with a reminder I will be more than willing to put a trigger on those posts.
>
> Nobody's trying to hurt you. If anything, I think the people who brought this up are doing what you call "restorative justice". Didn't you say that your therapist did something, and you told him how you felt? How is that different than what anyone on this thread did? I thought pretty much everyone bent over backwards

With the exception of a few, they did.

to explain that they were expressing how *they* felt rather than to criticize.

We all construct our own versions of reality, my reality was that I felt criticized, and so I was....we cannot choose our feelings, but we can choose how we behave, because of them. In expressing how we feel, we can unintentionally hurt someone.

I am very aware of words and what they can do. I counsel women who have been verbally abused.

I find that in life, most people don't know how to express criticism with tact.
>
> I understand that you feel criticized, and I hope my post didn't add to that feeling.

It did, but I can let it go. I don't hold grudges. I like to be a peacemaker.

I'm hoping we can all come to a mutual understanding and appreciation of each other.

I hope so too...as long as we keep talking, this is possible.

Sincerely, Ally


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:allisonross thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588002.html