Posted by bassman on May 3, 2006, at 7:45:52
In reply to Re: So confused and upset » Daisym, posted by fairywings on May 3, 2006, at 7:13:59
I know fw was doing nothing but being supportive, but here is another view. I have female friend of 35 years, got married to an abusive jerk (which was evident at the time, as it often is) and after many years,with great pressure and support from her T, got divorced. That was 4 years ago and she grieves the decision today as the worst thing she every did, and she is a Bad Person, she ruined her life, etc. My point is a simple one: T's don't know anything about us emotionally in any fundamental way, certainly not enough to tell us how to conduct our lives. The great value of T's is to help us to know what WE feel...and then let us decide what the solution is. When a T is too involved in making decisions in your life, you have simply traded one emotionally manipulative person for another. It doesn't matter at this point what the T thinks, it's Daisy's decision.
I'd also watch out for thinking about it as a "fight". A good friend T of mine once said, "think of divorce as a project, like getting a MA in business or accounting, etc." :>}The calmer you can make the process, the better-don't get sucked into old battles and don't try to get revenge-actually, go 180 degrees the other way and always try to be reasonable Five years from now, you'll sleep a lot better. That's my 2 cents-again, best of luck.
bassman
poster:bassman
thread:638672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060422/msgs/639540.html