Posted by Daisym on May 3, 2011, at 23:28:51
I think I've reached a crossroads in therapy that requires a decision about direction. The one I've chosen, although this choice is still in the wobbly stage of "I think this is best" is to let go of processing the past and begin concentrating only on current issues. On the face of it, I'm sure that sounds practical and easy enough. But for so long the past has intruded into the therapy space because it is the only space I've ever allowed it out. Now I've decided that the ongoing angst just isn't worth it anymore. So I'm actively working on shutting down those feelings. I've told the story enough.
What goes along with this is that the wishes that my therapist could "fix" it all, save me, rescue me from loneliness, etc. etc. have gotten smaller. I'm more conscious of the "reality" of our relationship. I told him today there is relief and sadness in this. It is undeniably better not to long for him all the time...but it is sad to not have all that deep intensity either. I can't help but wonder if this is the beginning of the end. It feels like it - but in the form of the long good-bye.
So we shall see how this new phase goes. We spent a couple of sessions talking this over and my therapist has expressed his worries and his understanding. We made a short list today of subjects that need some time and attention, so we aren't left with the silence of topic avoidance. I'm ready to be happy. Why is that scary?
poster:Daisym
thread:984490
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/984490.html