Posted by Dinah on May 10, 2011, at 7:41:19
In reply to Boundaries and Trouble, posted by Annabelle Smith on May 9, 2011, at 23:37:57
You write well. Maybe it would help to write on a topic you'd like to explore before the session. You don't have to read what you wrote to your therapist entirely, but it might help you with focus and concentration. And since you'll have thought about it beforehand, it might be easier to discuss. I think I used to also have long conversations with the therapist in my head, then show up for sessions to continue the discussion.
Maybe you could spend the next few days practicing to maintain your boundaries in a loving and kind way. You aren't an attachment to your mother. She can only get close to you, she can't get inside you. You have control over how much you let her affect how you feel. Can you think of the compassionate way your therapist maintains his boundaries and strive to maintain yours in a similar way? Not the boundaries about phone calls or after hours contact. What I mean is that no matter how upset you are, he is compassionate with your feelings but maintains his own inner calm? You could do some visualizations like your family and town being waves along the shore, and you could build a mental shield like a flood wall. You could measure how high the waves are getting, and how close they are to topping the wall, and adjust your mental distance accordingly. No need to be angry or upset with them. They are like the sea, a force of nature, and far beyond your ability to control. All you can do, all you should do, is keep yourself safe with your flood walls. You can even be loving to them, knowing they can't hurt you if you are careful around them.
Easier said than done, I know, and certainly I fail spectacularly at times. But it is an opportunity to practice, and the act of practicing itself can put some mental distance in your relations with them.
poster:Dinah
thread:984975
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110324/msgs/984988.html