Posted by Daisym on May 26, 2011, at 23:32:08
In reply to Too Much Mom, Not Enough of My T, posted by TherapyGirl on May 26, 2011, at 20:42:25
When my mom's husband died a few years ago, she needed me and my siblings around a lot more. I love my mother but she often makes me feel small and like I'll never amount to anything. My therapist received more than a few phone calls during these weekends - usually when I was already in melt down mode. He helped me think of ways to shield myself knowing I *had* to put in the time so avoiding her wasn't an option. Maybe some of these will work for you too.
Watch Movies - or better yet go to the movies. No talking but you are still keeping her company. Bring a book and keep your nose in it.
Have her make a list of the chores that need to get done - and do as manyas possible in another part of the house.
Take her to visit other friends. See if she will join the Senior center near her. My mom thought she'd hate it but turns out she has lots of opportunity to organize stuff for the "older" folks. (cracks me up)
And the best suggestion my therapist gave me was to ask her lots of questions about her husband, how they met, etc. I was in college when they started dating so I didn't know that much. These conversations led to conversations about my grandparents and great grandparents - and I learned a lot about my mom I didn't know. In some ways it built a relationship between us that wasn't there before.
All that said, do try to take care of yourself. No matter what - no one else's needs are more important.
poster:Daisym
thread:986310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/986321.html