Posted by Solstice on June 17, 2011, at 9:48:50
In reply to Is this really better?, posted by Dinah on June 9, 2011, at 9:13:36
Dinah.. sorry for the late entrance into this threat.. but I think it is better. I don't think there's a utopia to be had of perfect balance... but we are working toward it. Sometimes we do get stuck, but by your own description, you have moved! As for whether it's healthy... Here's what I think is healthy:
1. You are very aware of where you were, and where you are now. THAT is healthy!
2. You are moving. You have moved from a place of more frequent de-stabilization, to a place where you sustain your stability by diverting your attention (when the ground gets shaky for you) to an hour of Bubbles sitting in the car. Maybe it's not about figuring out whether our way of coping today is 'healthy' - as much as it's about whether it's healthy-er. If the distractions you favor right now are helping you 'wait' until the sea calms - rather than reacting to something unsettling by spiraliing downward and becoming non-functional... then I would say that you are healthier than you were before - and you are going forward (not backward).I think the seat of your health, in my view, rests in your ever-present awareness of what's going on within you. Bubbles and whatever else you use to distract yourself (and prevent decomposition) IS a healthy alternative. So... You go girl! Happy bubbling!
Solstice
> I feel better, and I spiral down far less often, and I think I'm even spending less, but I still engage in self destructive behavior of its own sort.
>
> When I get upset, even slightly upset, - at the first hint of upsetness sometimes before I even recognize it, I fall asleep or compulsively play endless games of Bubbles or similar games. Really compulsively. To the point where even when I'm doing something I have my iPod in one hand playing a game trying to tear my eyes away as I cook dinner or do the dishes.
>
> It certainly feels better, this compulsive avoidance. And it works. But is it really better? One of my bosses saw me sitting in the car downstairs an hour or so after I left work, playing a word game. It interferes with my work and my family time.
>
> I think if anything I use avoidance far more often now than ever. I still have problems with emotion regulation. I just avoid them rather than get caught up in them.
>
> And what's the alternative? I think a large part of my emotional reactivity and slow return to baseline is biological. I don't even seem to be able to control my sensitivity to rejection and abandonment, no matter how much wisdom and common sense I apply to the matter. I can change my behaviors, and I have changed my behaviors. But while they are health*ier*, are they really healthy?
poster:Solstice
thread:987548
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110511/msgs/988509.html