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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on May 3, 2011, at 23:28:51
I think I've reached a crossroads in therapy that requires a decision about direction. The one I've chosen, although this choice is still in the wobbly stage of "I think this is best" is to let go of processing the past and begin concentrating only on current issues. On the face of it, I'm sure that sounds practical and easy enough. But for so long the past has intruded into the therapy space because it is the only space I've ever allowed it out. Now I've decided that the ongoing angst just isn't worth it anymore. So I'm actively working on shutting down those feelings. I've told the story enough.
What goes along with this is that the wishes that my therapist could "fix" it all, save me, rescue me from loneliness, etc. etc. have gotten smaller. I'm more conscious of the "reality" of our relationship. I told him today there is relief and sadness in this. It is undeniably better not to long for him all the time...but it is sad to not have all that deep intensity either. I can't help but wonder if this is the beginning of the end. It feels like it - but in the form of the long good-bye.
So we shall see how this new phase goes. We spent a couple of sessions talking this over and my therapist has expressed his worries and his understanding. We made a short list today of subjects that need some time and attention, so we aren't left with the silence of topic avoidance. I'm ready to be happy. Why is that scary?
Posted by Tabitha on May 4, 2011, at 0:35:27
In reply to New Therapy Phase, posted by Daisym on May 3, 2011, at 23:28:51
Sounds like growth to me. I'm really happy for you.
Posted by Dinah on May 4, 2011, at 7:37:30
In reply to New Therapy Phase, posted by Daisym on May 3, 2011, at 23:28:51
> I'm ready to be happy. Why is that scary?
Change is scary. Every road taken means a road not taken, and every step forward means a loss of what is left behind. It depends on what you value most whether you find what you gain more valuable than what you lose.
For me, what I've lost is far more precious than what I've gained. But that's me, and I hope it is not so for you.
I think you can feel confident that you will be able to take this at your own pace, and that your therapist will be by your side to support your choice. Even if it's a different sort of support.
Yet even so, I think it's appropriate to feel anxiety, or sadness even.
Is it possible that "So I'm actively working on shutting down those feelings." could be described as putting the feelings into perspective, or not letting them rule your life, rather than shutting them down? Saying that you want to shut them down sounds uncomfortably like life before therapy, to me anyway. Are you, perhaps, divided about whether this is a positive choice? If so, it might be extra wise to acknowledge any negative feelings you might be having, and be diplomatic in assuring yourself that putting aside the past does not mean getting rid of aspects of yourself who may feel unsure of their identity without the focus on the past. Hard earned wisdom, you understand. :) And it may not apply to you.
Congratulations on the new therapy phase!
Posted by ron1953 on May 4, 2011, at 10:07:16
In reply to Re: New Therapy Phase, posted by Dinah on May 4, 2011, at 7:37:30
Death of things allows for the growth of new things. It's a process we go through all of our lives. If a phase of your therapy is dying so as to allow a new phase, great. If your relationship with your therapist is dying in order for something new to grow, great. I believe that a large cause of emotional (and resulting physical) turmoil is the unrealistic yearning for stability and predictability in life. Learning to live with unpredictability seems to be the trick.
Posted by antigua3 on May 16, 2011, at 21:20:35
In reply to New Therapy Phase, posted by Daisym on May 3, 2011, at 23:28:51
Posted by antigua3 on May 16, 2011, at 21:40:24
In reply to Re: New Therapy Phase, posted by ron1953 on May 4, 2011, at 10:07:16
Hello Daisy (and all my babble friends),
You said you were actively shutting down your feelings as you enter this new phase. I know what you mean, but to me that means you are absorbing the feelings into your very being and that's a good thing. I hate the word integration when used to describe the process, but it fits. Because if you are truly shutting down your feelings, they may come back to bite you! I am assuming that you feel you are doing the right thing? It's painful and difficult, but it can be a relief to put the feelings to rest. They will never be gone, but they don't have to run your life anymore.
I understand the sadness, too. I don't see my T anymore, for several reasons, the most important being that she isn't the same person anymore. She is aging and I truly think she has early Alzheimer's so it is a huge loss. But she lives within me and she always will, just as the very best parts of your T will always be with you.
I'm not making much sense. I really just wanted to say that I hear you, and understand what you are going through.
best of luck,
antigua
This is the end of the thread.
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