Posted by mair on December 11, 2002, at 12:01:06
In reply to Re: I am angry, please help » Miller, posted by Dinah on December 11, 2002, at 9:54:10
Miller
From your description of what happened, I would actually be surprised if it was your therapist who tipped off the police. On the other hand, I agree wholeheartedly with Dinah, that you absolutely should discuss this with your therapist, and the sooner the better. You also need to be really honest about how awful you feel.
So much of what you've written sounds pretty familiar to me and to many others I'm sure. I frequently have a very difficult time opening up to my therapist although I like her very much, trust her, and have a pretty long history with her. Also, the more suicidal I feel, the less I like to talk about it. A poster on this Board once wrote that since the decision to take your own life is so momentous, it should never be made impulsively or quickly. Therefore I'm encouraged by your statement that you want to make sure it's really your only feasible alternative.
With regard to your feeling that you said the wrong things in your note to Tina, understand that if you are as depressed as your sound, your judgment is absolutely skewed. "Errors" that we make are totally magnified when we're depressed. When I'm feeling particularly awful, my depressed feelings have a real permanent feel and they seem to be totally reasonable. I have to force myself to recall 1) that depressed feelings are never a total constant, and 2) my self-perceptions are probably flawed regardless of how convincing they are. Nothing you did or said here merits the harsh judgment you're imposing on yourself.
Please do call your therapist and please keep posting here to we can keep up with you. We have, all of us, been on the receiving end of the valuable support offered here.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:1790
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021109/msgs/1795.html